After the shenanigans that ensued at BlogHer last year, I was a little worried about this year’s conference. I mean, I definitely planned on heading to New York, but I was nervous nonetheless. About potential fodder to perpetuate the bad mommy blogger rap. About the size of the conference. About potential bad brand & blogger behavior. And so forth.

So it was with a huge sigh of relief and happiness that I left New York — my worries unfounded. Yes, the conference was huge, but I heard someone astutely comment that in being a huge conference it became small, in the sense that you had to seek out small group interaction more. With one exception of a blogger randomly thrusting a promotional flyer in my hand, the brands and bloggers seemed well behaved. Even my dodgy pregnancy appetite and fatigue subsided in the face of the infectious New York energy.

I also like to think that part of my personal happiness with the conference came from being better prepared, which I was if you don’t count packing. Back in June I shared a less is more approach to BlogHer and I followed it to the letter. Here are the tenets of my approach and how things shook out:

1. Be realistic about the conference program…and take a step outside your comfort zone.

As I looked through the conference program, I decided to attend two sessions I normally wouldn’t attend. The first was my friend Gabby’s design panel (I design websites so one might think I don’t need to attend this kind of session); the second was the stats panel (I never check my metrics and feel that people are too obsessed with them). I found both sessions tremendously interesting and walked away with many nuggets of wisdom that I hope to implement soon.

2. Take a realistic look at your social calendar.

Shortly after I wrote my less is more post, I took a hard look at my calendar and rescinded RSVPs to events where I knew I would not be able to get there in time to give the hosts and sponsors due respect. I also kept declining new event invitations as they rolled in, no matter how awesome the event. This was hard for me because my default is to want to do everything possible to support my friends who are hosting things, but I stuck to my policy. My first day in NY involved more tight transitions than I wanted (I went from the TODAY show to Liberty Mutual’s Responsibility Project event on Ellis Island to SocialLuxe to a dinner with friends) but the rest of the weekend worked really well with my reduced calendar. I’ll get to small group/individual interactions next, but I just wanted to give a shout out to SocialLuxe (organized by my talented friends Marie, Allison, and Jane) and Getting Gorgeous (co-hosted by my lovely friend Audrey) — both events were large yet executed really beautifully. I also loved the Nate Berkus, Sparklecorn, and CheeseburgHerz parties (though admittedly it was a little disorienting being in a ballroom not a hotel suite for CheeseburgHerz). So many friends, so much awesomeness.

My one regret is that I didn’t manage my time well at the end of the day on Friday and missed the Voices of the Year Gala and Art Auction curated by Kirtsy. The auction is live right now if you want to get your hands on some fine art while benefiting the Gulf.

3. Book face time with friends.

One of my favorite things about this conference was how much small group time there was, whether explicitly carved out by me or event organizers. For example:

It was utterly perfect to start my time in New York City at the TODAY show (thank you Alicia!), where a small group of bloggers convened, including wonderful folks such as Audrey, Kristen, Catherine, Colleen, Renee, Danielle, Isabel, Allison, Barbara, Cecily, Katja, Dina, and Emily. It was intimate and relaxed and fun and I was so proud to see Liz Gumbinner and Ree Drummond represent women bloggers so graciously.

One of my favorite pictures of the conference, at the TODAY show. I heart you Liz.

It was similarly wonderful to end my first day in New York City at a small group dinner organized by the lovely Liz and Kristen. We dined at La Esquina, where the food was fantastic and the conversation and laughter flowed. I had the pleasure of sitting between and chatting a lot with Gretchen and Julie, and connecting with so many wonderful friends, old and new. I heart you Asha, Nicole, Lena, Christina, Isabel, Pierre, Tania, Roxanna, Tina, Georgia, Susan, Heather, Y, and Anna (and other wonderful people I know I’m totally missing in this list…sorry!). Only regret (other than omitting folks in this list)? I failed to take any pictures at dinner.

Last year I lamented not running the BlogHer 5K with my fellow Shredheads, convinced I could never run. What a difference a year makes. This year I happily ran alongside the lovely Samantha and Linsey (my Eat Blog Run teammates) and not only ran, but chatted while running. I always thought I was incapable of chatting while running but go figure, it made the run zip by. It was fantastic to start the day with a run through Central Park.

Another great thing was carving out times with friends over meals. On Friday I connected with Marie, Jane, Samantha, and Linsey of Eat Blog Run (we missed you Heather, but glad I got chat time with you elsewhere!). On Saturday, I met with the lovely Kelly and Justine for breakfast, and with some of my favorite Boston area bloggers, Christina, Tania, and Roxanna, for lunch. Having those small, intimate lunches was utterly delightful. I also ended up tracking down Lindsay at the bar one evening; so great to catch up.

There were a couple of people that I hunted down by phone. The first was my delightful friend Elizabeth – we parked ourselves in the hotel lobby to catch up, and it was wonderful to do so. Given that we were near the elevators, it also ended up being the perfect spot to have other friends drop by and say hello. We’re setting up camping chairs next time! The second person I hunted down was Kimberly. We had a couple of connection misfires but ultimately did get in some chat time. And I was so happy to capture this utterly stunning photo of her.

The utterly gorgeous and smart Kimberly Coleman.

My last stop in New York was the Juno Baby event at FAO Schwartz. It was lovely to connect with folks like Jenny, Whitney, Karen, Maggie, and Laura, who I hadn’t seen much or at all through the weekend.

I just adore this picture with Karen Walrond.

I also was thrilled to finally meet Meagan, Annie, Amelia Sprout, Aimee, Kami, Catherine, Laura, and Liz, among other folks. So. Awesome.

{Intermission while my wrist recovers from all of that link love…}

4. Pack what makes you happy and comfortable.

I did, in fact, pack clothes that made me happy and comfortable and pretty (it also helped that Gap helped dress me because I was totally last minute with packing — thank you Gap). I also packed less shoes. It was perfect.

5. Be mindful about swag.

I didn’t seek out swag at suites or at the Expo. The only things I picked up were bags that were set aside for me at different events. I still had quite a lot of things to take home but I did look through everything before taking the trouble to haul it home and either shared with my roommates (champagne and coffee doesn’t work for me right now) or the swag suite. I also brought home things that are fabulous but that I don’t really need, to share with my contributing writers.

Other things that were key to this awesome weekend?

Having awesome roommates. Asha and Katherine are amazing. I love that after knowing Katherine for less than 24 hours she was already comfortable enough with me to jokingly (or not) gift me with Metamucil. #thatslovebaby #pregnancywoes

Katherine and Asha = best roommates a girl could ask for.

It also helped that my complicated transit plans, which involved several modes of transportation + connecting with my in-laws to drop off/pick up Laurel, worked seamlessly.

So, what did I leave BlogHer with?

A deep and profound appreciation for my friends. I may be imagining it, but I feel as if so many people totally have my back if I need them. Even if it’s via the internet.

An idea for a book I want to write, inspired by a conversation with the lovely Gretchen Rubin.

Warm, fuzzy feelings about my baby to be; look how effortless Gabby makes toting a baby at a conference look.

Gabby makes parenting look effortless and beautiful. I love this portrait.

Immense pride for the accomplishments of my community (Susan, I need to order your book!).

One of these days, I want to publish a book. I love that there are role models all around me. Congrats Susan!

A desire to go to cake baking school. Or maybe intern at Charm City Cakes.

Duff, give me a call if you need help in the kitchen. I am the ultimate worker bee.

A desire to be employed by the Muppet Workshop.

The Muppet Workshop at FAO Schwartz.

A desire to sit down and think about my content, finally look at my stats, and do a major redesign of Boston Mamas.

I can do all of this before the baby comes in March, right?

The conferences I now attend as a blogger are way different than the conferences I attended as an academic, but a state of overwhelm appears to be a commonality. As does, apparently, a primordial predilection towards longing, whether it be for connections, access to events, or material goods. For the most part, I had a fantastic time at BlogHer 2009, but I had some regrets too. From what I experienced last year and from what I’m already seeing in anticipation of this summer’s meeting, I’ve been thinking a lot about my approach to BlogHer 2010. Probably not surprisingly given my obsession with minimalist parenting, I’m taking a less is more approach to the event. Here are the key tenets of my approach; I hope some of these ideas will resonate with you.

1. Be realistic about the conference program…and take a step outside your comfort zone.

Situation: I’ve gone to conferences where I have wanted to attend every single session, and conferences where I’ve mostly gone to see people. In my experience, it’s impossible to go to back to back (or even close to back to back) sessions all day without feeling like a total zombie at the end.

Approach: Wherever you are on the program stamina spectrum, I suggest mapping out what sessions you plan on attending in advance and keeping the number of sessions reasonable. Obviously, this number will vary from person to person, but I might recommend identifying 1-3 must attend sessions then a handful of additional sessions across the conference to add on depending on your stamina for sitting and listening. And if you’re mostly going to BlogHer for networking, I recommend scanning the program and attending 1-2 sessions  beyond your reach or comfort zone. I did this last year by attending the marketing to women of color session and it ended up being one of the most energizing blog conference sessions I have ever attended.

2. Take a realistic look at your social calendar.

Situation: My presence on Twitter has been sporadic in recent weeks, but I apparently had an uncanny ability to log on when organizers started tweeting about parties. Which I mostly RSVP’d for across the board because I wanted to support my friends who were organizing events. Which, when I finally sat down and looked at my Outlook calendar yesterday, led me to conclude that the current schedule will serve no purpose other than to drive me to the point of exhaustion. Which seems absurd and greedy given the discontent I’ve seen over people missing the RSVP window for parties.

Approach: I’m taking a realistic look at my calendar (and a map of Manhattan) over the next couple of weeks, stripping out double bookings and un-RSVP’ing for events where I’m pretty sure it would be un-fun or impossible for me to get from point A to B to give the event’s organizers any meaningful amount of my time. Also, I’ve found myself overwhelmed by the volume of off-site private invitations that are rolling in. Strangely, the thing I feel most bad about with many of these invites is that the events sound great and 6-8 weeks of advanced notice for a party seems reasonable; I feel bad saying no to these invitations, worried that they won’t be able to find people to come. (Crazy, I know!) But I’m taking a firm line and politely declining if I already have a conflict, no matter how tempting the event is or how much I’m fretting for people about their event planning (again, crazy, I know). These two action items will not only make social events more reasonable and fun for me, but will open space for other people.

3. Book face time with friends.

Situation: Last year was my first big BlogHer and I had no idea it would be so crazy; I just assumed I would bump into the friends I wanted to see, which didn’t happen for several friends. I felt as if I knew a lot of people going in to the event, yet when I would arrive at lunch, it literally looked like a giant sea of unfamiliar faces. I tried to look at this positively, and chat it up with lots of people I didn’t know, but ultimately I found myself totally exhausted by the high volume of small talk.

Approach: I want to strike a balance between meeting new folks and having quality time with friends. Clearly, experience has shown me that I feel most fulfilled and energized in intimate gatherings, so I’m going to make sure I book face time with friends.

4. Pack what makes you happy and comfortable.

Situation: Now, I will admit that I love clothes and shoes. When I’m out in public I like to look reasonably put together as a change of pace from my yoga pants (beloved as they are…). But the frenzy and stress I see around attire and BlogHer makes me sad. It immediately makes me think of middle school, when girls would stress about whether they had the 3 pairs of Guess jeans and 2 Benetton insignia sweaters required to sit at the lunch table. (I wish I was making that up.)

Action: Let’s throw down the collective gauntlet that people come to BlogHer in whatever clothes they feel most happy and comfortable in. Because if you are miserably trying to be something you are not, you will be uncomfortable. Which will make it harder to interact with people. I can’t speak for everyone, but if you come find me at BlogHer, trust that I’ll want to talk to you, not whatever it is you are wearing.

5. Be mindful about swag.

Situation: This topic makes me cringe but it must be addressed. Last year’s swag frenzy made me so uncomfortable. It was scary. And tacky. And sometimes causing of physical harm.

Approach: I am asking everyone to be mindful about swag; to think before you pick something up or consider elbowing someone out of the way in the name of a free eco-friendly sponge or key chain. Think: do I really need this? Will this bring me joy or utility? Is it worth hauling this home? Am I just picking this up because it’s free? Do I even know what the hell this is? Have I spent at least 10 seconds thinking about the sponsor and what it is that they are offering? If the answer to any of these questions even vaguely hints at no, step away from the swag. At Mom 2.0 in February, one thing I loved was that the registration bags were swag light, and if you wanted to pick up items from sponsors, you could do so directly from sponsors at the expo. I walked the expo floor and thanked the vendors for supporting the conference and learned more about what they had to offer, but I didn’t need anything so I didn’t pick anything up. I felt so much happier taking a light and mindful approach to the conference. Please consider doing the same.

Are there any issues I have missed? I would love to hear about ways you are looking to create a fun and meaningful experience at BlogHer. In my opinion, the key is to remember that the experience is yours to create. And I would wager that a less is more approach to the event will make for a happier experience for many people.

Day 27 of Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009 Blog Challenge:“Social web moment. Did you meet someone you used to only know from her blog? Did you discover Twitter?”

BlogHer Chicago was overwhelmingly awesome in that it enabled me to meet so many fantastic people I was “e-friends” with — finally in real life. I adore all of these women and can’t wait to see many old friends and meet new ones at Blissdom and other meetings in 2010.