But last week I proved myself wrong. And in the process, I developed a new perspective on parenting, work, and balance.

Last Saturday we headed to Maine for a much needed vacation; the original plan was for Jon to return on Tuesday and for Laurel and me to follow on Thursday. Per usual, we had a wonderful time with our friends in Maine – time that was replete with laughter, awesome food (probably too much food), vacation-y adventures, and catching up on fine literature (read: trashy magazines). On Tuesday, as Jon’s departure time grew closer, I was of two minds: on the one hand, I didn’t feel ready to leave and wasn’t wild about spending the rest of vacation at home for the aforementioned can’t-vacation-at-home-reasons. On the other hand, I was feeling a bit under the weather, and the idea of negotiating Laurel and my things home on Thursday via multiple phases of public transit lacked appeal.

Ultimately, as is the case with many things, Laurel was the deciding factor. She wanted to go with Daddy. She wanted the family to stick together.

So we left. And it was a good choice given that Jon, Laurel, and I got sick. But even so, the most amazing thing happened; it actually started while we were still in Maine.

I stumbled upon a new way to work. Or not work. Or rather, be completely present whether working or parenting, but not trying to do both at the same time.

On Sunday and Monday in Maine, I did launch a post each morning. But because we were on vacation, I didn’t jump out of bed thinking about posting; I got around to it after breakfast, when we were all lazing around figuring out what to do with the day. Totally low maintenance.

Then I was officially off on my internet vacation the rest of the week. I didn’t post, I only peeked in briefly on Twitter and Facebook (and admittedly, was sort of turned off by both and quickly left). I pretty much ignored my email. Instead, after we returned to Boston, I…

…spent an entire rainy day indoors in jammies with Laurel, reading books, goofing off, playing games, and eating all of our food picnic style.

…was able to be that mom — the one who, when the sitter couldn’t come over for a few hours as planned, was able to say, “No problem; don’t sweat it!” and actually mean it.

…instead spent the sitter time (during which I had planned on running boring errands) taking Laurel to the library and toy store, then out for a yummy sushi lunch, then to pick up her pottery at the paint your own pottery studio. I can’t say enough how much I love bopping around out and about with Laurel. She is the best sidekick.

…spent my evenings with my lovely husband, not my laptop.

…enjoyed an afternoon baking up a storm with Laurel. We took advantage of the spoils of our CSA and made chocolate zucchini cake and a double batch of zucchini bread (froze a batch, gave a batch to my mom).

…made moussaka from scratch (using the landslide of eggplant and potato from our CSA). Definitely a labor of love but so worth it. And an even greater, unexpected gift? Laurel actually tried some and declared that she loved it and ate a whole piece (protein, starch, vegetable, and dairy, all in one sitting!).

…dealt with hundreds of emails that have been languishing in my inbox to get my inbox under 50 messages. I did this over the weekend when I was slowly crawling out of my internet hibernation and I think the break helped me bucket these e-mails more clearly; meaning, I followed up on the ones of interest, dealt with e-mails that required action that didn’t take long but were hanging around for a long time, and filed e-mails that simply did not resonate with me (there were a lot of them). It felt enormously cleansing and the process inspired me to get in the habit of really listening to my instinct when I receive emails – to file or deal with things quickly to avoid generating a backlog that overwhelms me.

…did not fret about household minutia. Not one speck, as Laurel says. And the house? It’s still standing. In fact, it looks totally fine, not even really worth fretting over.

At first I was a little stunned by how easy it was for me to not worry about household minutia and work and simply remain in fun vacation mode at home. But in turning the week over in my mind and with Jon, it seems like the two major factors at play were expectation and mindset. I always told myself it was impossible to be in vacation mode at home without ever really trying it. I’m someone who tends to create projects and long to-do lists (re: household minutia), so I just let go of that. So liberating. And it proved immensely powerful to publicly declare an internet vacation; I gave myself space and time; I lessened my and others’ expectations of me and my response time.

And the thing is – and this is very easy to forget as an independent businessperson who tends to put her head down and power through work – I am in charge of expectation and mindset; I can give myself space and time whenever I want, even when back on a regular work routine. The point is, I am, in fact, driving this bus and this week helped me see that I could operate in all of my various roles on my own terms to incredibly rewarding effect – it was possible to post in an easy and relaxed way, be truly mindful when I was with my family, enjoy the beauty in life’s small moments, and be focused when I finally sat down to look at my inbox.

Expectation and mindset. If you’re feeling disgruntled with [work, parenting, fill in the blank...], experiment with adjusting — even in baby steps. Remember, ultimately, we all drive the bus.

So it was with a huge sigh of relief and happiness that I left New York — my worries unfounded. Yes, the conference was huge, but I heard someone astutely comment that in being a huge conference it became small, in the sense that you had to seek out small group interaction more. With one exception of a blogger randomly thrusting a promotional flyer in my hand, the brands and bloggers seemed well behaved. Even my dodgy pregnancy appetite and fatigue subsided in the face of the infectious New York energy.

I also like to think that part of my personal happiness with the conference came from being better prepared, which I was if you don’t count packing. Back in June I shared a less is more approach to BlogHer and I followed it to the letter. Here are the tenets of my approach and how things shook out:

1. Be realistic about the conference program…and take a step outside your comfort zone.

As I looked through the conference program, I decided to attend two sessions I normally wouldn’t attend. The first was my friend Gabby’s design panel (I design websites so one might think I don’t need to attend this kind of session); the second was the stats panel (I never check my metrics and feel that people are too obsessed with them). I found both sessions tremendously interesting and walked away with many nuggets of wisdom that I hope to implement soon.

2. Take a realistic look at your social calendar.

Shortly after I wrote my less is more post, I took a hard look at my calendar and rescinded RSVPs to events where I knew I would not be able to get there in time to give the hosts and sponsors due respect. I also kept declining new event invitations as they rolled in, no matter how awesome the event. This was hard for me because my default is to want to do everything possible to support my friends who are hosting things, but I stuck to my policy. My first day in NY involved more tight transitions than I wanted (I went from the TODAY show to Liberty Mutual’s Responsibility Project event on Ellis Island to SocialLuxe to a dinner with friends) but the rest of the weekend worked really well with my reduced calendar. I’ll get to small group/individual interactions next, but I just wanted to give a shout out to SocialLuxe (organized by my talented friends Marie, Allison, and Jane) and Getting Gorgeous (co-hosted by my lovely friend Audrey) — both events were large yet executed really beautifully. I also loved the Nate Berkus, Sparklecorn, and CheeseburgHerz parties (though admittedly it was a little disorienting being in a ballroom not a hotel suite for CheeseburgHerz). So many friends, so much awesomeness.

My one regret is that I didn’t manage my time well at the end of the day on Friday and missed the Voices of the Year Gala and Art Auction curated by Kirtsy. The auction is live right now if you want to get your hands on some fine art while benefiting the Gulf.

3. Book face time with friends.

One of my favorite things about this conference was how much small group time there was, whether explicitly carved out by me or event organizers. For example:

It was utterly perfect to start my time in New York City at the TODAY show (thank you Alicia!), where a small group of bloggers convened, including wonderful folks such as Audrey, Kristen, Catherine, Colleen, Renee, Danielle, Isabel, Allison, Barbara, Cecily, Katja, Dina, and Emily. It was intimate and relaxed and fun and I was so proud to see Liz Gumbinner and Ree Drummond represent women bloggers so graciously.

One of my favorite pictures of the conference, at the TODAY show. I heart you Liz.

It was similarly wonderful to end my first day in New York City at a small group dinner organized by the lovely Liz and Kristen. We dined at La Esquina, where the food was fantastic and the conversation and laughter flowed. I had the pleasure of sitting between and chatting a lot with Gretchen and Julie, and connecting with so many wonderful friends, old and new. I heart you Asha, Nicole, Lena, Christina, Isabel, Pierre, Tania, Roxanna, Tina, Georgia, Susan, Heather, Y, and Anna (and other wonderful people I know I’m totally missing in this list…sorry!). Only regret (other than omitting folks in this list)? I failed to take any pictures at dinner.

Last year I lamented not running the BlogHer 5K with my fellow Shredheads, convinced I could never run. What a difference a year makes. This year I happily ran alongside the lovely Samantha and Linsey (my Eat Blog Run teammates) and not only ran, but chatted while running. I always thought I was incapable of chatting while running but go figure, it made the run zip by. It was fantastic to start the day with a run through Central Park.

Another great thing was carving out times with friends over meals. On Friday I connected with Marie, Jane, Samantha, and Linsey of Eat Blog Run (we missed you Heather, but glad I got chat time with you elsewhere!). On Saturday, I met with the lovely Kelly and Justine for breakfast, and with some of my favorite Boston area bloggers, Christina, Tania, and Roxanna, for lunch. Having those small, intimate lunches was utterly delightful. I also ended up tracking down Lindsay at the bar one evening; so great to catch up.

There were a couple of people that I hunted down by phone. The first was my delightful friend Elizabeth – we parked ourselves in the hotel lobby to catch up, and it was wonderful to do so. Given that we were near the elevators, it also ended up being the perfect spot to have other friends drop by and say hello. We’re setting up camping chairs next time! The second person I hunted down was Kimberly. We had a couple of connection misfires but ultimately did get in some chat time. And I was so happy to capture this utterly stunning photo of her.

The utterly gorgeous and smart Kimberly Coleman.

My last stop in New York was the Juno Baby event at FAO Schwartz. It was lovely to connect with folks like Jenny, Whitney, Karen, Maggie, and Laura, who I hadn’t seen much or at all through the weekend.

I just adore this picture with Karen Walrond.

I also was thrilled to finally meet Meagan, Annie, Amelia Sprout, Aimee, Kami, Catherine, Laura, and Liz, among other folks. So. Awesome.

{Intermission while my wrist recovers from all of that link love…}

4. Pack what makes you happy and comfortable.

I did, in fact, pack clothes that made me happy and comfortable and pretty (it also helped that Gap helped dress me because I was totally last minute with packing — thank you Gap). I also packed less shoes. It was perfect.

5. Be mindful about swag.

I didn’t seek out swag at suites or at the Expo. The only things I picked up were bags that were set aside for me at different events. I still had quite a lot of things to take home but I did look through everything before taking the trouble to haul it home and either shared with my roommates (champagne and coffee doesn’t work for me right now) or the swag suite. I also brought home things that are fabulous but that I don’t really need, to share with my contributing writers.

Other things that were key to this awesome weekend?

Having awesome roommates. Asha and Katherine are amazing. I love that after knowing Katherine for less than 24 hours she was already comfortable enough with me to jokingly (or not) gift me with Metamucil. #thatslovebaby #pregnancywoes

Katherine and Asha = best roommates a girl could ask for.

It also helped that my complicated transit plans, which involved several modes of transportation + connecting with my in-laws to drop off/pick up Laurel, worked seamlessly.

So, what did I leave BlogHer with?

A deep and profound appreciation for my friends. I may be imagining it, but I feel as if so many people totally have my back if I need them. Even if it’s via the internet.

An idea for a book I want to write, inspired by a conversation with the lovely Gretchen Rubin.

Warm, fuzzy feelings about my baby to be; look how effortless Gabby makes toting a baby at a conference look.

Gabby makes parenting look effortless and beautiful. I love this portrait.

Immense pride for the accomplishments of my community (Susan, I need to order your book!).

One of these days, I want to publish a book. I love that there are role models all around me. Congrats Susan!

A desire to go to cake baking school. Or maybe intern at Charm City Cakes.

Duff, give me a call if you need help in the kitchen. I am the ultimate worker bee.

A desire to be employed by the Muppet Workshop.

The Muppet Workshop at FAO Schwartz.

A desire to sit down and think about my content, finally look at my stats, and do a major redesign of Boston Mamas.

I can do all of this before the baby comes in March, right?

A number I never give out professionally. Because, you know, it’s my home number.

A number I have listed under my husband’s name so I’m not easy to find. Because even though I know that my stalker ex-boyfriend from the early 1990’s knows my husband’s name and our current address (pathetic, I know), the many years of dealing with him has left me in the habit of erring on the side of caution when it comes to privacy.

The reporter wanted to ask my opinion about the recent 8-week maternity leave ruling in Massachusetts. I put the reporter on hold so I could get Laurel settled with an activity while I took the call, then asked her how she got my phone number. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “I’m happy to talk to reporters but I never give out this number. I prefer that media contact me by e-mail, as indicated on my website. Can you tell me how you got this number?”

Reporter: “I looked it up in a database.”

Me: “I shouldn’t be in a database. This telephone number is not under my name.”

Reporter: “Actually, I looked it up under your husband’s name.”

Me: “Excuse me? How did you find that information? My husband and I have different surnames and I purposefully list the phone under his name so I’m not easy to find. I prefer to keep my daughter and husband as separate from my public activities as possible.”

Reporter: “We have a special sleuthing database that we pay a lot of money to have access to. It’s the same kind of database that background investigators and the police use.”

Me: [Envision mouth hanging open] “I find that really, really creepy.”

Reporter: “Oh, well don’t worry, you were really hard to find. I don’t think anyone else will be calling you soon.”

As if that was supposed to make me feel better.

Admittedly, as this conversation went down, I was: a) in a state of shock; b) still interested in conversing about the 8-week maternity leave ruling; c) exhausted and emotionally hung over from BlogHer; and d) having flashbacks of sitting at my college public safety office asking them to kick my stalker ex-boyfriend off campus if they saw his car on the property. Had I been in a more lucid state of mind, perhaps I should have refused to speak to her given that she clearly didn’t respect me enough to not violate my privacy. But I did give the interview. And she was actually very nice and we had a very pleasant conversation.

That said, this experience left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Whatever perception one might have of the Boston Herald, it’s still a newspaper. And in my lofty, idealistic world, that means that reporters ought to operate by a code of ethics, which not only includes reporting honestly and with integrity, but not violating the privacy of the people to be interviewed. I know I’m probably more stringent about privacy than most due to my stalker issue + my many years in academia and in HIPAA training, but still, there ought to be standards. I refuse to pass along private email addresses when people ask me to make connections (instead I ping person B and let them know person A wants to connect), much less pimp out private phone numbers. And even if I had access to some expensive database, were I in this reporter’s shoes, I certainly wouldn’t go digging for private information when it takes about 10 seconds to click over to a person’s contact page (which even has an easy to click to Media Inquiries section) and fire off an email.

In the past four years, I have been contacted by media outlets large and small and never, ever has one of these outlets found it necessary to dig for my home phone number via a private investigation database. In fact, just today I received an interview request from WGBH and lo and behold, they contacted me via the media request e-mail address provided on my website.

So Boston Herald, if this is the way you teach your reporters to roll, I suggest you revise your practices. Because sadly, yesterday, one of your reporters acted no better than my stalker ex-boyfriend.

It appears that Laurel shares my sense of purpose here.

On Sunday, we were strolling through the Public Garden, which led me to comment that I was glad that Pack (stolen last spring) was back. Which led to countless questions from Laurel, for example: Why would anyone steal a baby duck statue? How did they remove the duck? Really, they cut it off at the legs? Who were the robbers? Did they get caught? Were they mean? Did they go to jail? Where were the police? Shouldn’t the police be protecting the ducks all the time? And so on.

I turned to Google for some of the answers, and otherwise did my best to assuage Laurel’s worries and share that it would be too expensive for the city to have police duty watching the ducks 24/7. She seemed unsatisfied with that response and sat down to write the following letter, which will be on its way to the Boston Police Department shortly.

It reads: Dear police, In the public garden, we think you should put alarms and a secret camera around the ducks. Love, Laurel, Jon and Christine. Good luck!

As an avid letter writer myself, I must say that I commend her sense of duty. At five years old no less.

I also love that she signed her note with “love” and “Good luck!”

Problem A seems easy enough to solve (e.g., signing up for a race) with the exception of Problem B. I ran a 5K a couple of weeks ago and oh my word was it hot and did I feel like dying, and oh my word was I glad that the companion 7.5 miler I had originally signed up for got canceled. Problem B clearly isn’t going away anytime soon, nor is Problem C (though we are in the process of trying to find a sitter since my client work seems to be ramping up, not down, this summer).

An obvious solution to both Problems B and C would be to get up earlier and run while it’s still (sort of) cool out and before Jon and Laurel are up. My Shredheads pal Bill does this admirably (5am…dude!) and I have tried this on occasion, but I can never really stick to it. My body just doesn’t seem ready to go for a run at that time (unless, of course, I am operating on two hours of sleep and wearing a pink sparkle skirt).

So, barring waking up early, I’m at a point where I’ve officially let go of the idea of running 20 miles a week (that’s around where I was when I was training for Eat. Blog. Run.…that’s peanuts to some runners, but was a lot for me as a relatively new runner) until the weather cools down. I’m trying to figure out solutions. Here’s what I have come up with so far. I would love to hear any other ideas you have!

Be realistic. Admittedly, it’s a little hard for someone like me to step down in training, but the way the summer schedule is working out + given the heat, I can’t do the longer runs I did during the school year. So the first step has been to be realistic and adjust my expectations accordingly.

Go for shorter runs. Part of adjusting my expectations involves settling for shorter runs. I will always carry the nugget of wisdow I read in a running magazine: that even a 10 minute run a day is better than nothing (which is the same sort of advice I used to give to my violin students…hmmm). So I’m going to plan on short runs — maybe 2-3 miles — until the heat breaks.

Multitask running. We have Laurel enrolled in a short day camp for a couple of weeks and Jon and I have been struggling to juggle the transit + camp drop off time + Jon’s need to have the car most days of the week. The camp is too far for Laurel to walk so on days when Jon can’t do drop off, I’m going to take public transit to get Laurel to camp, then run home. This kills two birds with one stone (and gets me home faster).

Try intervals. I think another part of my motivation flattening out is I need a new challenge. I’m going to try intervals. Yes, I hear they make you want to hurl, but at least the suffering is brief. For example, starting at the beginner level, an intervals workout could be: (3-5 minute jog) + (1 minute maximum effort/2 minutes easy pace x 5) + (3-5 minute cool down jog) = 21-25 minute workout, including only 5 minutes of major suffering. No problem right?

Go with the yoga. I adore yoga. On Daily Mile when I track my workouts, the data clearly point to the fact that I always feel “great” after yoga, whereas after a run I feel “good,” “alright,” or “injured.” Also, yoga is something I can ease into in the morning if I can manage to get up early, and nothing feels better than starting the day with yoga. And now that I have memorized a practice that I really enjoy and is challenging, I can even do yoga while Laurel is reading a book or working on an activity (or yes, watching a cartoon) near me. In those instances where I want her to work on something independently so I can do the same, she never seems to mind that I’m doing yoga, versus if I want time on the computer.

Be disciplined about the weekend. Unless we’re traveling, weekends are offer a guaranteed time I can get in a workout since Jon can be home with Laurel. I need to be disciplined about working in fitness on the weekends. It’s been too easy to fall off the wagon when the weekdays go to crap.

Map out a plan each week. One thing that kept me on track during the school year was I spent a couple of minutes at the beginning of each week and mapped out a fitness plan for the week. And I actually entered each workout into my Outlook to-do list so it was something I needed to cross off (nothing motivates me like a to-do list).

Have some alternatives at the ready. In general, these days my favorite fitness activities are running and yoga, given that they’re inexpensive and not bound to anyone’s schedule but my own. But I also find it helpful to have alternatives at the ready; so, say it’s downpouring out on a day I had planned to run — perhaps I’ll go back to my Shredheads roots and do a Jillian workout. Or if I don’t have time to do a full yoga practice, maybe do an abbreviated practice or a short core circuit.

So, here’s my plan for the next seven days while I have day camp coverage during the weekdays:

Friday: Run home after dropping off Laurel – make it quick as I have a morning call. (DONE! I drafted this post last night but look, I get to check something off!)

Saturday: Yoga (totally chillville…ahhhh)

Sunday: Intervals (good to do something out of the house since we have relatives descending)

Monday: Yoga (try for early morning since I need to be at a meeting by 9:30am and we’ll have company in town)

Tuesday: Short run while Laurel is at camp (good to do something out of the house since we have relatives descending)

Wednesday: Yoga (try for early morning since I have an event that morning and we’ll have company in town)

Thursday: Intervals or Jillian-type short workout while Laurel is at camp

Friday: Run home after dropping off Laurel

Do you think it’ll work? I didn’t build in a day of rest since these runs will be shorter than what I typically was doing with longer runs + a rest day incorporated. And though things will be up in the air after camp ends next week, I’m going to try to stick to this kind of plan. Because, similar to when I started the Shredheads, it has to be possible to give myself at least 20 minutes a day somewhere, somehow….even in this heat.

Don’t get me wrong, I love you internet, but here are 10 reasons why I loved being away from you most of this past week:

1. Laurel and I experienced a series of firsts together. It wasn’t our first mom-daughter work trip, but it was our first time riding the Acela, strolling the streets of Manhattan, visiting $5 jewelry street vendors, getting her first manicure (yep, I splurged on the $5 per thumb floral design), and ordering room service together. Also, Laurel got to meet a celebrity, who immediately complimented her on said $5 jewelry. Laurel declared the city that never sleeps too busy for her to live in, but we had a fantastic time visiting.

2. Jon, Laurel, and I enjoyed three blissful days in Maine with some of our favorite friends on the planet (I miss you tremendously already Anne, Michael, Lucy, and Olivia). We built sandcastles, dipped toes (or more) into the frigid sea, walked around town, lounged around the house, sipped cocktails, laughed, talked late into the night, ate marvelous food, did puzzles, and for the most part got to witness kids playing remarkably well together. Also, one late afternoon while we were frolicking along the shore, I saw a seal poke its head up above water, probably about 10 feet from us. I fah-reaked.

3. Because we were a group of four parents and three children who all trusted one another, I could go for a run (a beautiful loop that ended along the ocean) one day, and do yoga the next without feeling pressed for time.

4. I got to watch Laurel fly a kite for the first time. Oh me, oh my, I almost cried.

5. I cooked Korean for our friends. It made me so, so happy. And even the kids devoured the scallion pancakes.

6. Immediately after our return from Maine, my family and I gathered to memorialize the fifth year since my father’s death. I miss my dad a lot and welcome moments where I can reflect and feel grateful for the time I had with him.

7. My family and I went out for an insanely huge Korean meal, then went back to my mom’s house to celebrate my niece Alyssa’s birthday. Given the size of our family, we’re not all together often. In fact, I think it’s been almost a year since the last time that happened. There was so, so much laughter.

8. Alyssa received a spa kit for her birthday and she and Laurel immediately “opened up shop” to clients. It was through this experience that I was reminded of just how much my siblings love these kids. Everyone — men included — agreed to get their nails painted. I love that my brother just laughed and didn’t get mad when Laurel told him he had the “messiest feet in the whole world!”

9. Shopping for Alyssa’s birthday presents in Maine was super fun. Not only did I get to have a little shopping excursion and one on one time with Anne, but while I browsed journals for Alyssa, I decided to buy myself a beautiful journal to record inspiration offline. I don’t think I’ve purchased a journal for myself since high school.

10. Taking an internet break sometimes means that you come back to fun things and surprises. Such as this delightfully fitting post from Gwen Bell about taking a digital sabbatical. Or this post by my delicious foodie friend Rachel, who kindly included me in a roundup of some of her favorite nominees for the BlogLuxe Awards. Or this generous post from Jennifer James, who included me as an example of someone who blogs with focus and professionalism. Or these fun photos from my first time modeling on a runway (as part of Room To Grow’s Fashion Forward event)

Yes, my inbox now overflows, but my work life did not crumble because I was offline. I feel happy, rejuvenated, and ready to rock it. Though I’m still going to take it easy today given that it’s officially a holiday.

Have you unplugged lately? I hope you’re planning on it soon!

All that writerly goodness aside, I haven’t been able to shake the dissonance between the current content of this blog and its namesake. So I wonder, is it time for a name change? Does it matter? It would certainly be easier if it didn’t matter, in terms of broken linkage and other technical matters. But even more daunting than the technical issues is figuring out what that new name would be.

I’m a person of words — I love the process of assembling them artfully and cannot even venture to guess how many words I have written in the past four years since I started blogging and writing professionally. In my work as a creative consultant I love helping clients narrow in on a domain/business name that is reflective of their intentions. But when tasked to think of a name reflective of my spirit and editorial trajectories, I find myself lost. I admire the poetic perfection of names such as Joy Unexpected and Velveteen Mind and Suburban Turmoil, and long for something that’s similarly conjuring of imagery, yet ambiguous enough to allow for inclusion of any number of topics.

So I guess I’m left with questions. Have you struggled with changing the name of your blog? Does it matter? If you did change your name, do you love your new name and was it worth the technical nuisance?

And of course I can’t help but ask: do you have an idea for a great name (or adjectives) that sound reflective of me (save Koh Beast, which is my awesome new running alias thanks to some of my Eat .Blog. Run. teammates)?

Any brilliance in this domain would be properly credited of course!

1. Be realistic about the conference program…and take a step outside your comfort zone.

Situation: I’ve gone to conferences where I have wanted to attend every single session, and conferences where I’ve mostly gone to see people. In my experience, it’s impossible to go to back to back (or even close to back to back) sessions all day without feeling like a total zombie at the end.

Approach: Wherever you are on the program stamina spectrum, I suggest mapping out what sessions you plan on attending in advance and keeping the number of sessions reasonable. Obviously, this number will vary from person to person, but I might recommend identifying 1-3 must attend sessions then a handful of additional sessions across the conference to add on depending on your stamina for sitting and listening. And if you’re mostly going to BlogHer for networking, I recommend scanning the program and attending 1-2 sessions  beyond your reach or comfort zone. I did this last year by attending the marketing to women of color session and it ended up being one of the most energizing blog conference sessions I have ever attended.

2. Take a realistic look at your social calendar.

Situation: My presence on Twitter has been sporadic in recent weeks, but I apparently had an uncanny ability to log on when organizers started tweeting about parties. Which I mostly RSVP’d for across the board because I wanted to support my friends who were organizing events. Which, when I finally sat down and looked at my Outlook calendar yesterday, led me to conclude that the current schedule will serve no purpose other than to drive me to the point of exhaustion. Which seems absurd and greedy given the discontent I’ve seen over people missing the RSVP window for parties.

Approach: I’m taking a realistic look at my calendar (and a map of Manhattan) over the next couple of weeks, stripping out double bookings and un-RSVP’ing for events where I’m pretty sure it would be un-fun or impossible for me to get from point A to B to give the event’s organizers any meaningful amount of my time. Also, I’ve found myself overwhelmed by the volume of off-site private invitations that are rolling in. Strangely, the thing I feel most bad about with many of these invites is that the events sound great and 6-8 weeks of advanced notice for a party seems reasonable; I feel bad saying no to these invitations, worried that they won’t be able to find people to come. (Crazy, I know!) But I’m taking a firm line and politely declining if I already have a conflict, no matter how tempting the event is or how much I’m fretting for people about their event planning (again, crazy, I know). These two action items will not only make social events more reasonable and fun for me, but will open space for other people.

3. Book face time with friends.

Situation: Last year was my first big BlogHer and I had no idea it would be so crazy; I just assumed I would bump into the friends I wanted to see, which didn’t happen for several friends. I felt as if I knew a lot of people going in to the event, yet when I would arrive at lunch, it literally looked like a giant sea of unfamiliar faces. I tried to look at this positively, and chat it up with lots of people I didn’t know, but ultimately I found myself totally exhausted by the high volume of small talk.

Approach: I want to strike a balance between meeting new folks and having quality time with friends. Clearly, experience has shown me that I feel most fulfilled and energized in intimate gatherings, so I’m going to make sure I book face time with friends.

4. Pack what makes you happy and comfortable.

Situation: Now, I will admit that I love clothes and shoes. When I’m out in public I like to look reasonably put together as a change of pace from my yoga pants (beloved as they are…). But the frenzy and stress I see around attire and BlogHer makes me sad. It immediately makes me think of middle school, when girls would stress about whether they had the 3 pairs of Guess jeans and 2 Benetton insignia sweaters required to sit at the lunch table. (I wish I was making that up.)

Action: Let’s throw down the collective gauntlet that people come to BlogHer in whatever clothes they feel most happy and comfortable in. Because if you are miserably trying to be something you are not, you will be uncomfortable. Which will make it harder to interact with people. I can’t speak for everyone, but if you come find me at BlogHer, trust that I’ll want to talk to you, not whatever it is you are wearing.

5. Be mindful about swag.

Situation: This topic makes me cringe but it must be addressed. Last year’s swag frenzy made me so uncomfortable. It was scary. And tacky. And sometimes causing of physical harm.

Approach: I am asking everyone to be mindful about swag; to think before you pick something up or consider elbowing someone out of the way in the name of a free eco-friendly sponge or key chain. Think: do I really need this? Will this bring me joy or utility? Is it worth hauling this home? Am I just picking this up because it’s free? Do I even know what the hell this is? Have I spent at least 10 seconds thinking about the sponsor and what it is that they are offering? If the answer to any of these questions even vaguely hints at no, step away from the swag. At Mom 2.0 in February, one thing I loved was that the registration bags were swag light, and if you wanted to pick up items from sponsors, you could do so directly from sponsors at the expo. I walked the expo floor and thanked the vendors for supporting the conference and learned more about what they had to offer, but I didn’t need anything so I didn’t pick anything up. I felt so much happier taking a light and mindful approach to the conference. Please consider doing the same.

Are there any issues I have missed? I would love to hear about ways you are looking to create a fun and meaningful experience at BlogHer. In my opinion, the key is to remember that the experience is yours to create. And I would wager that a less is more approach to the event will make for a happier experience for many people.

Getting away more is one of the ten intentions I set on our ten year anniversary. Because we need to get away. Because we’re awesome at sinking into vacation mode when we get away. And because we suck at getting away. I think the last time we got away on our own was when Laurel was 13 months old — and it wasn’t just for us, it was for the wedding of dear friends, where Jon was the best man and I had designed all of the paper needs (meaning, we had some responsibilities that weekend).

{Hangs head in shame.}

So off we went. From all of my Boston area spa research, I decided to book at Stonehedge Inn & Spa because I wanted something under an hour from Boston (given that we only had 24 hours) that offered spa services. And while I thought Stonehedge’s spa could stand some improvement (major point = Jon and I agreed that the spa services were good but not mind blowing-ly great; minor point = they really ought to offer the big fluffy robes available in-room at the spa) and the restaurant service was a little pokey, otherwise the staff was wonderful and friendly and the food was yummy.

But what was really special? Our room came with a big screen porch and after enjoying lunch at the inn restaurant, Jon and I ordered lattes and the fresh baked cookie dessert plate, then asked if we could take them to our room. To which the staff said yes, of course we could, and that they would bring it to us. And they did. And I think they doubled the amount of cookies so we both could try one of each. And the cookies were awesome. And it was the best latte I have had in a long time. And Jon and I proceeded to while away the hours on our porch, munching and sipping, playing cribbage, chatting, and reading magazines until the sun started to fade and we decided to bring cocktails back to the porch to relax some more. And then we enjoyed a late dinner, during which we ate slowly and mindfully and talked about food, life, dreams, fears, and everything in between, and just focused on each other in a way that was really, really lovely.

We returned back to the real world a mere 24 hours later, but the brief but blissful retreat had us spinning on a decidedly different axis. Laurel was, in fact, perfectly fine and happy with my mother, and we scooped her up and enjoyed a lovely day as a family.

Damned if I’ll wait another five years before booking another getaway. And if you’re scratching your head trying to remember the last time you took a little getaway with your partner, I highly encourage you to book time as well.

The etiology of my malaise is a little hazy, but one thing that stands out clearly is that I hated my first grade teacher. Things started out well; she sent a sweet letter during the summer. She seemed happy to welcome us all to her class. But then her less than sensitive actions started to stack up. Like when she rolled her eyes and looked exasperated when I didn’t know the answer to 8 + 0 right away (what can I say, math has never been my strongest subject). Or like when she would get frustrated with something I did, heave a big sigh, and scratch her eyeball with one of her long red fingernails (I’m not making this up). Or like when we went around at circle time sharing our middle names and she laughed at my Korean middle name and said, “Really? That’s your middle name?” Which of course made all the other kids laugh at me.

Yeah, just what I was thinking. That bitch.

So I was unhappy. I cried in class. A lot. I grabbed the bathroom pass any chance I got and made a break for it and headed upstairs, where I would stand in the doorway of my sister Stephanie’s classroom, crying for my sister. I got punished repeatedly by my teacher for disrupting my sister’s class. I then managed to stay home “sick” for a month. I’m sure the only reason they didn’t hold me back was because my teacher did not want to deal with me another year. It just kept snowballing.

And then once I left first grade, everything was cool. I was back to being the happy kid I was in kindergarten.

Fast forward 30 years and I’m the parent of a daughter who is far more sensitive to transitions than I was, but currently is experiencing a similar level of malaise at school. After a very rough transition to kindergarten, things actually have been great for many months; drops off have been a piece of cake and she loves her teachers and friends. But the last week? We’re back to sobbing drop offs and sobbing bedtimes (in anticipation of going to school in the morning). Laurel also cries periodically during the day (she says because she misses us) and says that she feels that her teacher is mad at her or hates her because she cries. Which makes her totally panicky about going to school.

Yeah, I stopped in my tracks too.

Laurel’s teacher is nothing like my first grade teacher, and when Jon talked to Laurel’s teacher this morning, she was totally taken aback that Laurel would think that she hated her because of the crying. I’m hoping that with some patience and love and deep breaths from all parties, we’ll get through this bumpy patch quickly. Because I don’t want the rest of Laurel’s kindergarten days, or her summer day camp (which we selected because Laurel’s teacher is involved) to be like the hell that was my first grade experience.

Like many instances in parenting, I have the distinct feeling that this experience is trying to teach me some kind of lesson. I wonder if it’s that it’s time to make friends with my ghost of first grade past.