Sharon was such a good sport. I mean, it was probably kind of easy in the sense that she looked absurdly awesome in every single thing she put on, but that also meant we worked her over — she tried on an impressive army of gowns (the staff was so kind and accommodating of our gaggle of choices! thank you!), including something short and awesomely covered in plumage.

She also humored me and tried on this incredible dress — it took my breath away when I saw it in the window and Sharon looked stunning in it (truly, this photo of it on a hanger doesn’t do it justice). I totally wanted Sharon to pick it for her wedding (until about 10 minutes later, when she picked the perfect dress for her), and had this outing not been all about Sharon, I would have slid into a corner and tried this dress on myself.

I’m pretty sure I need to find an excuse to wear it to something (it’s not white so…). I think it would count towards knocking #25 of my life list, no? Meanwhile, I will cherish the memory of Sharon in it, and admire it while it’s in the window.

I also was left feeling utterly in awe of the creativity that flows from Laurel’s hands:

Except, of course, when she is being Gorilla Baby. During which time she’ll pitch her head back and drink upside down so she can look at Laurel or Jon. Or bounce both of us around by pushing her feet hard against the couch. And she’s recently become very interested in her feet — specifically, playing with them and invariably ripping off her socks while enjoying her bottle.

A photo from the wild. Is (or was) feeding baby like this in your house too?

The opening reception. I love that BlissDom hosts an opening reception. It’s the perfect time to reconnect with old friends and meet new ones. I squealed. A lot. I even warned people that I would probably be squealing. A lot. I loved that Danielle, Meredith, and Jenny were the first people I saw when I landed at the event. I will happily sandwich between Meredith and Jenny any time — I think I look prettier just because I’m standing between them. Bonus!

Connecting with so many amazing people at the More Birthdays booth. One of the reasons I was at BlissDom was on behalf of the American Cancer Society, a client of Women Online. The booth was so fantastic — it was amazing that so many people took the time to share their cancer stories with us and join the fight for More Birthdays. So awesome. Also, who doesn’t love a photo booth with props? Also, I love Julie and Jyl so much.

Having my friends show up for me at my DO LESS as a Life Strategy talk. I admit that I’m one of those people who sometimes worries a bit that no one will show up to my party, and my friends totally had my back. Thank you friends! Also, that talk reminded me of how much I adore public speaking. And making pretty slides. Clearly, I should be hired to public speak and make pretty slides!

The response from my talk was so gratifying. The day before my talk I wasn’t exactly having jitters, but I had a few moments of concern that maybe my talk wasn’t good enough. Or that people wouldn’t be receptive to my ideas. But the response dispelled those worries. And it was so amazing to hear about people’s journeys with doing less (I was particularly impressed by how Jo-Lynne and  Steph are really taking action on this). Clearly, doing less is a topic that resonates — it’s the perfect time to sit down with Asha and write Minimalist Parenting!

Dinner with dear friends. The first night of the conference, several of us gathered for dinner. It was magical. I felt a little emotional, actually, looking around the table and realizing how lucky I am to know these people.

First meetings. I had a lot of those “OMG I love you on the internet, I’m so glad we’re finally meeting!” moments — including Kyran (who I’ve been Twitter crushing on for some time) Tracey (who I’ve known forever on the internet and cannot believe was meeting for the first time), Chrysula (an utterly brilliant woman with the most delicious accent), Katherine (a kick ass advocate for postpartum women everywhere), Me Ra (my fellow Korean at the conference…and man, I love her happy spirit), and Ana (one word = delightful). I also met Zakary. Every now and then I meet a new (to me) blogger and think, “Wow, this person has awesome mojo. I want to get to know them better, like, 10 days ago.” Zakary was that person for me. She’s the lovely blond to the right of my dear, long time peeps Jim and Steph (who I adored spending so much time with on this trip).

Rachel’s squeezes. I think Rachel and I full on or side hugged about 10 times during BlissDom. She is just such a warm lovable friend. Look at how her eyes sparkle even while we’re cast in an odd pink hue. Also, she can do splits. That’s pretty rad.

Shannon. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry. She doesn’t mind encourages my inappropriate behavior. She also has shockingly neat handwriting. I love you Shannon. (Also, has anyone noticed how sweet and innocent she looks? Looks being the operative word of course.)

Mystery cocktails. Jess and I managed to find a bit of time together to get a drink and all I can say is man, I adore this woman. Like, would throw myself under a bus for this woman. She is smart and funny and has the best, most spirited laugh ever. She’s also insanely beautiful and has awesome style yet doesn’t make you feel bad if you’re not looking so awesome. It was sort of shocking that our conversation spanned deep and philosophical monk-like things and raunchy humor — not the least of which involved the fact that when I asked for a fruity, yummy drink, the bartender served me a mystery cocktail that I later learned was called The Leg Spreader. EEK. This is Jess (on the right), with the insanely funny Meagan Francis. I’m not sure the wider world knows how insanely funny Meagan is. I pretty much was peeing in my pants with laughter the whole time I was with her.

Farklemptness…brought to you by Hallmark. When Hallmark tweeted me, saying I had a card in their suite, I admit that the cranky old blogger in me was a little suspicious…as in, oh no, I’m being link baited, I am not going to your suite! I mentioned this to someone and they said, no, you must go…it is awesome! When I got there, the Hallmark people immediately recognized me (I guess I look like my avatar…or maybe it was just that I was one of the few Asians on site) and said, “ooh, you have a bunch of mail!” I went to my mailbox to find several cards from friends at the conference and found myself on the brink of tears. It was, like, the total opposite of when people sent around candy canes or carnations in middle school and I almost never got any. I immediately sat down and “mailed” a dozen cards. It was awesome. I’m sorry I doubted you Hallmark!

Passing moments. Even the passing moments at BlissDom were replete with love. I always freak the eff out when I see Amy, Aimee, Laurie, Joanne, and Cecily. Casey and I collectively obsessed over the awesomeness of baby rolls (her photos of Vivi make me pass out). I got to give Janice a big hug (something I have wanted to do acutely for a few weeks now). Seriously, who’s cuter than Dina? It was lovely to connect with my Boston peeps Sarah, Charlene, and Jodi. I also loved getting some quality chat time with Anissa, Carmen, and Ellen at breakfast one day. I almost feel as if I’m absorbing some of Megan’s brilliance via osmosis when I’m around her. OMG Arianne and that adorable baby. And it was wonderful to have brief moments of connection with Alli and Barbara, despite how busy they were this weekend. Also, I want Barbara’s hair in my next life.

A quiet and lovely dinner. Despite the craziness of the conference, I managed to have a quiet and lovely dinner with my amazing friend Erin — it was just such a perfect way to follow all the busy activities of the day. Erin and I had the time and space to sit down and talk deeply about all things personal and professional. I feel so grateful to know her and cannot wait for her little baby to enter this world. I mean, really, how stinkin’ cute is Erin? Also, I can’t wait to wear that Ann Taylor statement necklace again. I received about 8,294 compliments on it.

Asha. I had many, many moments with Asha but this photo pretty much sums up where we are at. We had just signed up for Picha (amazing new venture, btw) and the person running the suite asked if we wanted to jump on trampolines and get our picture taken. Well, of course we did. The staffer pushed two trampolines next to each other and I was both laughing really hard and also somewhat concerned that I was going to injure myself. What joy. What silliness. What a blessing that I get to work insanely closely with Asha over the next year on our book.

I have a sinking feeling I’m forgetting people but the point is this: What an incredible community — I am so grateful to be a part of it.

]]> http://popdiscourse.com/2012/02/the-blissdom-lovefest-delivers/feed/ http://popdiscourse.com/2012/02/done/ http://popdiscourse.com/2012/02/done/#comments Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:28:12 +0000 Christine Koh http://popdiscourse.com/?p=2998 I’m done.

Or rather, on Monday, I was done. For forever? I’m not sure. I do wonder.

Unbeknownst to both of us, Violet nursed for the last time on Monday, two days after she hit the 11 month mark. It’s been a very long last couple of weeks — her sickness was so hard on . . . → Read More: Done]]> I’m done.

Or rather, on Monday, I was done. For forever? I’m not sure. I do wonder.

Unbeknownst to both of us, Violet nursed for the last time on Monday, two days after she hit the 11 month mark. It’s been a very long last couple of weeks — her sickness was so hard on us…stressful pragmatically because she was fever-y and refused bottles and most solid food (I ended up upping my nursings, even though I really wasn’t sure much was coming out), but moreso emotionally. It was so sad to see our poor little panda bear so limp and sad. We carried her around for several days straight, as that was the only thing that would console her.

And the timing of it was a little stressful because just when I was about to shut down the milk bar (anticipating my trip to Nashville tomorrow), Vi got sick and nursing was the only thing that would appease. I started to get a little worried last week, as her sickness and disinterest in bottles stretched out.

But Vi is finally back. She’s laughing, she’s cheerfully getting into trouble. Yesterday for the first time in two weeks she pounded back 4-ounce bottles again (she only took a few sips per feeding for several days, and then it was a major victory to get her to drink one ounce!). What a relief. And so I didn’t nurse at all. And there we were.

I feel both relieved and a little nostalgic. Was that it? Am I done nursing forever? Will we have another baby? I have no idea. But right now, I will simply celebrate Violet’s excellent health, the fact that I was able to nurse her for 11 months (I am acutely aware of how fortunate we were to be able to do that), and the fact that this time around, I was able to free myself of guilt and stigma as it relates to formula. What a gift it’s been, to do this again.

And meanwhile, oh yes, I will celebrate these delicious chubby haunches.

Rolling around on the floor playing.

Gazing lovingly at one another.

Enjoying a lot of time in jammies, reading.

Perusing magazines.

Eating magazines.

I feel so very grateful for this life.

This scenario makes me grumpy and resentful. On Wednesday afternoon, the plague descended on our household as Violet started feeling fever-y. As the evening wore on, I started to feel anxious, knowing well that I would need to keep her home from day care on Thursday. I started feeling extra anxious when I realized I had not been alone since Monday.

On Thursday, Jon woke up with a scratchy throat. He decided to call in one meeting from home and otherwise take it easy. Violet did, in fact, need to stay home. And despite both of us being home, call notwithstanding, Jon rested while I took care of Violet. And watched my e-mails stack up. And missed several calls. And cancelled my dinner plans. And grew increasingly resentful with each passing hour.

Violet’s fever broke (or so I thought) Thursday afternoon and on Friday morning I took her to school. She was not, however, her usual happy self. Nor was Laurel as she tearfully trudged off to school. I found my anxiety mounting again — I had a sinking feeling that both schools were going to call me to tell me the kids needed to come home. I was frustrated that Jon was not reading my mind and doing what I wanted him to do — specifically, to show me that my work mattered and to stay home and split the day with me. Or better yet, offer to take over entirely on Friday to make up for the crap that was my Thursday.

And then I had a realization. I was a key player in this annoying dynamic –- unfortunately, in the role of enabler and martyr. I wondered whether men are more realistic about self-preservation and simply take care of themselves when needed because that seems the quickest route to repair. I wondered whether women –- in their wiring as caregivers –- are primed to be martyrs, to put themselves second (or third, or fourth…) and not ask for or state what they need. I mean, admittedly, part of me still would rather have Jon read my mind and offer instead of my having to ask, but that is not his job. I am a strong, competent, and vocal person and if my needs are not being met I need to say something about it. Furthermore, from a pragmatic standpoint, my income matters in our household so I am justified in feeling protective of my work hours.

Mid-day on Friday, Violet’s fever returned and the school called for me to bring her home. But my enabling and martyrdom was over. I had anticipated Violet coming home (and was planning on picking her up early anyway), and also suspected that Laurel would need some extra TLC after school, so in the morning I emailed Jon and told him I wanted to stop perpetuating this dynamic (we had talked about it for a bit on Thursday night), and asked him to cancel his afternoon clients and come home to help me. I had hoped to dial in for my afternoon meetings and then Violet threw up all over me while I was talking to my business partner Morra. In one of the many moments reflective of why I love working with Morra, she said “Go take of yourself and the kids -– everything here will be fine!” and hung up on me.

As it turned out, I did not end up working Friday afternoon. Violet was in a very bad way and Laurel returned from school with Jon feeling like crap. Jon and I hunkered in as a team, trading up carrying around Violet (who, uncharacteristically, needed to be held constantly) and tending to Laurel. Things continued on this way into Saturday, and though I was tired, I felt energized by my renewed perspective. Telling Jon what I wanted and needed in real time (vs. after 24 hours of festering) made things so much easier. Also, I had had horrible visions about Violet’s fever raging and needing to take her to the hospital and discovering that she had gone blind. Somehow, knowing that I could ask for help when I needed it, and realizing what a blessing Laurel and Violet’s typically excellent health is, made it easier for me to take care of what was important right in the moment –- without resentment and with more tenderness and good humor.

And yesterday afternoon? Feeling a scratch in my throat, I decided to take a nap before my body shut down and collapsed. And I was a million times better for it. Though it has sucked to say Hello, Plague yet again this winter, it’s been excellent to say Goodbye, Martyr.