I’ve always been convinced that I’m incapable of being on vacation at home; the landslide of household minutia resides too close, the laptop too easily accessible. I’m pretty sure even my therapist typed me as someone who needs to leave the premises in order to truly sink into vacation.
But last week I proved myself wrong. And in the process, I developed a new perspective on parenting, work, and balance.
Last Saturday we headed to Maine for a much needed vacation; the original plan was for Jon to return on Tuesday and for Laurel and me to follow on Thursday. Per usual, we had a wonderful time with our friends in Maine – time that was replete with laughter, awesome food (probably too much food), vacation-y adventures, and catching up on fine literature (read: trashy magazines). On Tuesday, as Jon’s departure time grew closer, I was of two minds: on the one hand, I didn’t feel ready to leave and wasn’t wild about spending the rest of vacation at home for the aforementioned can’t-vacation-at-home-reasons. On the other hand, I was feeling a bit under the weather, and the idea of negotiating Laurel and my things home on Thursday via multiple phases of public transit lacked appeal.
Ultimately, as is the case with many things, Laurel was the deciding factor. She wanted to go with Daddy. She wanted the family to stick together.
So we left. And it was a good choice given that Jon, Laurel, and I got sick. But even so, the most amazing thing happened; it actually started while we were still in Maine.
I stumbled upon a new way to work. Or not work. Or rather, be completely present whether working or parenting, but not trying to do both at the same time.
On Sunday and Monday in Maine, I did launch a post each morning. But because we were on vacation, I didn’t jump out of bed thinking about posting; I got around to it after breakfast, when we were all lazing around figuring out what to do with the day. Totally low maintenance.
Then I was officially off on my internet vacation the rest of the week. I didn’t post, I only peeked in briefly on Twitter and Facebook (and admittedly, was sort of turned off by both and quickly left). I pretty much ignored my email. Instead, after we returned to Boston, I…
…spent an entire rainy day indoors in jammies with Laurel, reading books, goofing off, playing games, and eating all of our food picnic style.
…was able to be that mom — the one who, when the sitter couldn’t come over for a few hours as planned, was able to say, “No problem; don’t sweat it!” and actually mean it.
…instead spent the sitter time (during which I had planned on running boring errands) taking Laurel to the library and toy store, then out for a yummy sushi lunch, then to pick up her pottery at the paint your own pottery studio. I can’t say enough how much I love bopping around out and about with Laurel. She is the best sidekick.
…spent my evenings with my lovely husband, not my laptop.
…enjoyed an afternoon baking up a storm with Laurel. We took advantage of the spoils of our CSA and made chocolate zucchini cake and a double batch of zucchini bread (froze a batch, gave a batch to my mom).
…made moussaka from scratch (using the landslide of eggplant and potato from our CSA). Definitely a labor of love but so worth it. And an even greater, unexpected gift? Laurel actually tried some and declared that she loved it and ate a whole piece (protein, starch, vegetable, and dairy, all in one sitting!).
…dealt with hundreds of emails that have been languishing in my inbox to get my inbox under 50 messages. I did this over the weekend when I was slowly crawling out of my internet hibernation and I think the break helped me bucket these e-mails more clearly; meaning, I followed up on the ones of interest, dealt with e-mails that required action that didn’t take long but were hanging around for a long time, and filed e-mails that simply did not resonate with me (there were a lot of them). It felt enormously cleansing and the process inspired me to get in the habit of really listening to my instinct when I receive emails – to file or deal with things quickly to avoid generating a backlog that overwhelms me.
…did not fret about household minutia. Not one speck, as Laurel says. And the house? It’s still standing. In fact, it looks totally fine, not even really worth fretting over.
At first I was a little stunned by how easy it was for me to not worry about household minutia and work and simply remain in fun vacation mode at home. But in turning the week over in my mind and with Jon, it seems like the two major factors at play were expectation and mindset. I always told myself it was impossible to be in vacation mode at home without ever really trying it. I’m someone who tends to create projects and long to-do lists (re: household minutia), so I just let go of that. So liberating. And it proved immensely powerful to publicly declare an internet vacation; I gave myself space and time; I lessened my and others’ expectations of me and my response time.
And the thing is – and this is very easy to forget as an independent businessperson who tends to put her head down and power through work – I am in charge of expectation and mindset; I can give myself space and time whenever I want, even when back on a regular work routine. The point is, I am, in fact, driving this bus and this week helped me see that I could operate in all of my various roles on my own terms to incredibly rewarding effect – it was possible to post in an easy and relaxed way, be truly mindful when I was with my family, enjoy the beauty in life’s small moments, and be focused when I finally sat down to look at my inbox.
Expectation and mindset. If you’re feeling disgruntled with [work, parenting, fill in the blank...], experiment with adjusting — even in baby steps. Remember, ultimately, we all drive the bus.
August 30th, 2010 at 8:56 am
You are an inspiration! I am bookmarking this post and going to try it someday after my fall crazy season is over. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
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August 30th, 2010 at 9:15 am
It IS tough, but when you can pull it off, it’s so wonderful as well. It’s also a great time for you to learn that lesson. How nice to get some quality time with Laurel before the new baby comes and the demand on your attention triples (yeah, it’s more than twice as much with two… I’m not sure why!)
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August 30th, 2010 at 9:27 am
As usual, you rock in making us think about what is important (and not important) in life.
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August 30th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Can you come over and bake with my kids and clean out MY inbox, please??????
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August 30th, 2010 at 11:19 am
I’m glad that you had this special time. Good for you…and your family!
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August 30th, 2010 at 11:41 am
Beautiful, articulate post Christine. What really gets me about this post is how much you actually got done while you were in “vacation mode”. The difference was (I suspect, no I know because I’ve been there too) that it didn’t seem like work because you weren’t pressuring yourself to do things in an unrealistically short period or time or to do too much at the same time.
It’s amazing to me how quickly us Type A’ers can turn working at home into the same kind grind as going into an office. Like you, I often have to step back and remind myself that I’ve set up my life the way I have precisely so that I can “sneak off” in the middle of the afternoon and go to yoga or read a book.
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August 30th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
So true–often I rush to get things done because I put a lot of pressure on myself to finish things right away. How nice to relax your standards a little and realize that things are still getting done anyway.
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August 30th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Love this.
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August 30th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Unplugged for 5 days and it was wonderful. Now that the kids are going back to school, this week (3 out of 4, anyway)I plan to go back to my 3 days on, 2 days off and no blogging on weekends schedule, which really does work best for me. Wish me luck. Hope you’re feeling better!
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August 30th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
A+ on this thesis. You should submit it to a magazine. Not for your own glory, but so that others can be inspired.
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August 30th, 2010 at 10:50 pm
Wow. I love reading posts like this that make me realize how much I have in common with other bloggers (and other women/ moms in general). I don’t work from home, but I do write a blog…and just recently realized that I have been putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself to not only keep up with that, but also be ever present on Twitter, Facebook, and the 10 million other blogs/ blog networks. I’m starting to burn out. Who has time for all of that - and trying to be a good parent at the same time? I applaud you for finding such a great balance, and thank you for sharing your thoughts on the whole process.
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August 31st, 2010 at 6:24 am
What Whitney said!
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August 31st, 2010 at 1:50 pm
I love how this isn’t a guide to work/life balance; it’s the exploration of your own personal expectations and priorities. I have to admit it took me years to realize that priorities need to include me time as much as meeting the deadline for the next project. Well done you!
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August 31st, 2010 at 11:35 pm
This is an excellent post, Christine. I agree so much w/ your thoughts about expectation and mindset. I always feel grumpy when I am trying to play with my girls AND work/tweet/clean at the same time. It’s so much better to just let go, to prioritize, and to do things separately. Multitasking is overrated.
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October 23rd, 2010 at 2:52 pm
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