Laurel has always been an uber attached kid. It was evident from the very beginning when she made it clear that she was not interested in budging from my womb at 42 weeks. It was evident when she was a baby, during which time she was happiest and most content in my arms. It was evident when our transitions to day care and kindergarten took months (yes, months) to shake out. Laurel has said that she’d like to live with me and Jon forever, and while I realize she is speaking through the lens of a five-year-old, I also have thought that it wouldn’t be entirely out of the question if she did, in fact, hold this preference into adulthood.
But over the last few months, Laurel has changed. Whether it’s simply a function of age or the growth and change associated with kindergarten, her confidence has bloomed and she has come out of her shell. Though she remains cautious around strangers (something I’m actually glad for), she’ll now say hello to checkout clerks. Previously one to cling to my hand, she’ll now run many paces ahead of me en route to the playground. And we now can do drop off playdates with friends and she’s happy as a clam, often begging for a sleepover by the end of the date.
And on Wednesday she ran into my in-laws’s arms with a brief wave, smile, and “goodbye mommy” to me.
And no tears.
Except for mine.
We met up with my in-laws so Laurel could spend a few days of February vacation with them. My in-laws adore Laurel. She spent her first overnight with them after Christmas (she sobbed when we left but ultimately recovered quickly and had a great time). After that, my in-laws asked for more time with her over February vacation. This not only was awesome in general (for the first time we’re navigating the world of public school vacations following the luxury of year-round day care), but it allowed me to book for Mom 2.0, which otherwise wasn’t going to happen without help, since the last couple of weeks have been a bit crazy, with travel to Blissdom and the Bahamas.
And the love goes both ways. When we connected with Jon’s parents, Laurel leapt into their arms. And when it was time to say goodbye, I was the one clutching her, covering her face with kisses. Ironically, Laurel did what the teachers always advised us to do on departure; she made the goodbye short and sweet and moved on.
She looked so, so happy.
As Jon and I watched Laurel walk away with my in-laws — giggling and without so much as a glance over her shoulder — my eyes filled with tears. My girl was growing up. The easy detachment and independence that I had long yearned for was finally here. I stood there waiting for her to turn around.
She didn’t.
And oh how I ached to have her run back into my arms for one more hug.
February 19th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
I’m with you. Lydia is the same just a year or so behind. It’s bittersweet to see them grow. But what I dearly want too.
Have you seen the book, “Let Me Hold You Longer”? It’s a picture book about treasuring the “last” moments of a child’s life…last time they run to you for comfort, last time they need an animal to sleep with. Oh, it’s brutal!
(((Hugs))) and cheers to you and your brave girl!
a
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February 19th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
This is making me want to cry as well. Thank you for sharing it ! It’s beautiful.
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February 19th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
I can relate to your post so much! Although my son is much younger, just 12 months, it seems as if he grew out of his cuddly, snugly baby period so quickly. When I hold him for too long, he squirms around like a tornado. The days of feeling “so needed” may have passed already:O
Oh the growing pains of parenthood!
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February 19th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Oh Christine - I so know that feeling. Emma was exactly like Laurel … and like Laurel, she blossomed in Kindergarten … and became less clingy and more independent. I still quietly cherish the fewer/farther apart clingy moments and secretely hope that they do not disappear all together. xo
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February 19th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
what a wonderful post. and mackenzie says she wants to live with us forever and ever also. also through the lens of a 4 year old - she has grand plans for connecting houses or moving into our finished basement full time. she actually starts to cry real tears when i casually say you’re growing up so fast and that I don’t want her to grow up. I now can’t say that anymore as she is dead serious crying that she too does not want to grow up.
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February 19th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Now you have me all teary! Amazing how children can sock you in the gut no matter what they do - oh, the power they wield!
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February 19th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Your story was so touching. My little one gave up most of her clinginess way too early on. Although there were definate benefits to that, I was missing the comfort that comes along with knowing how important mommy is and just enjoying the physical closeness of the extra hugs. Occasionally now she has one of those clingy moments out-of-the-blue and I am reminded that she really does need mommy nearby sometimes, and that maybe some of her confidence actually stems from knowing that her parents are right there for her if she needs them.
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February 20th, 2010 at 9:48 am
Aww… My kids gave up clinginess early on. I encouraged it heavily, since I was a painfully shy/clingy child and think it sometimes held me back from enjoying parts of my childhood. They walk away without drama, but come running back to me with hugs and kisses. I hope Laurel still shows that she’s a “Mama’s Girl” even while she learns to feel more comfortable in new situations. My independent girl is currently snuggled on my lap enjoying the “coziness” and complaining that I’m trying to type around her. =}
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February 20th, 2010 at 10:24 am
Christine, this is a beautiful essay. No one said our job would be easy, but you are doing it with grace.
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February 22nd, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Aww…how sweet! It’s great that she’s learning to let go.
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February 27th, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Dear Christine,
You are a beautiful mom and you are so close to Laurel’s heart, she doesn’t really experience ‘good-bye’ from you. You are always with her– which is what made possible her intense concentration on the new challenge of carrying her own suitcase. She was so proud! You have set her up beautifully for those many new challenges which so often require carrying ‘mom’ in her heart.
Just a word for the future….there will be many separations as time goes by. I remember well when Laurel’s dad headed off for his first day at college (hugely traumatic for mom). Was there a good-bye?
I’m not sure; I think I remember a hug and a kiss. But there was the sense that he was free now to look to new challenges, hopefully carrying his parents’ love in his heart.
Prayers and blessings to all parents…
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March 12th, 2010 at 11:39 am
[...] so many lessons from him and every time I see how beautifully Laurel interacts with my mom or my in-laws I feel huge, irrepressible longing. When my dad was well enough, we spent a lot of time at the [...]