I have a confession to make: I can’t pay attention to sermons.
It’s a weird thing with me, similar to my inability to absorb game rules, product manuals, or history lessons. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t process the information.
My inability to read game rules and product manuals is only mildly annoying or inconvenient to others. Being incapable of absorbing history lessons took a toll on my GPA and proves somewhat embarrassing during Trivial Pursuit and Jeopardy but otherwise isn’t a huge deal. But glazing over during sermons? Well, it not only seems disrespectful to the powers that be, but some of those powers (or the powers’ messengers) are related to me.
My mother is a devout Seventh Day Adventist but we rarely went to church because my father didn’t believe in God. However, the couple of times I did attend church as a child, I usually daydreamed then later found myself clueless (and my mother embarrassed) when the pastor asked me questions about the sermon later. And both of my in-laws are ministers (though my mother-in-law is now a social worker). I go to church every other year (Christmas Eve service when we are visiting them) and though I try really, really, reaaaallly hard to pay attention, I instantly glaze over during the sermons, only perking up when it’s time to get up and rock some Christmas carols.
Lately, however, I’ve been thinking that perhaps I need to go to church.
Or something.
As you’ve probably gathered, I’m not particularly wed to the concept of God per se; rather, I believe in the power of the universe; that there’s a spirit of some kind driving the bus, but that spirit doesn’t necessarily identify with a name or gender for me. But quite frankly, my faith has been wobbly of late, as I struggle with some personal matters, and also as I have cried over the suffering of friends like Anissa and Arianne. Not to mention the immense devastation of Haiti; incomprehensible and tragic on so many levels. None of it makes sense to me when I try to assure myself that the universe has a plan.
The other day when I was walking to pick up Laurel at school I passed a church (ironically, the same denomination of my in-laws). The signboard struck me. It said:
LOVE NOT GUILT
Simple words. No verse listing. Just a concept.
And I had a moment. This statement moved me; it’s a concept I can understand and apply to my own life. It’s a motto our world could serve to embrace. And seeing those words in print at a place of worship made me wonder whether it would be possible to find a church or some kind of gathering where spirituality, faith, and community could be explored in less traditional ways.
Because I do think of myself as a spiritually grounded person. Because I feel like I could use the power of community to help me along in these moments when I can’t understand what the hell the universe is up to. Because I think that there’s utility to assembling collectively to set intentions for peace and healing.
But I need something other than traditional sermons and Bible verses.
Tell me, if you’re a church go-er, what do you think my issue is with sermons? Or if you explore spirituality and faith in alternative ways, what do you do?
1:30 pm on January 14th, 2010
Maybe you’re a visual learner. Is it just sermons, or “lectures” in general? I simply don’t absorb information that’s passed on to me verbally, especially in large chunks. It has to be VERY engaging for me to continue to listen. My brain is busy doing other things. =}
There are a few solutions, I think. One is to find a church with a pastor/minister/whatever who is interesting to listen to (some are more preachy and others are more anecdotal, inspirational). Another is to find that kind of community in other ways, maybe by volunteering, or (if it’s your thing), joining a bible study. You could also seek out youth services, which tend to be a bit more interesting and short. You could also look for a place of worship that incorporates a lot of music and singing.
Even at my most religious, I had a hard time staying focused on the sermon itself. It’s just not my learning style.
1:35 pm on January 14th, 2010
Like you, I’ve had a hard time with sermons. When I was younger, our preacher was about 6.2 million years old, and he sounded like George HW Bush when he talked. This is not the stuff of inspiration to a 10 year old. When he left, we got a new preacher, and I liked him a lot as I got older. I felt his message was just that: it was a message, not a regurgitation of scripture, and he worked hard to find applications in everyday life.
Applying God to my life became a big component to me. I feel like a lot of people go to church thinking it’s like “passing go” in Monopoly–you go, you do your thing, it’s over, and you’ve fulfilled your commitment. I always wanted something a bit deeper but never knew how to find it. I still don’t really know how to find it, actually.
I’ve chosen to get more introspective. I like to look at my life and my interests and think about God through those outlets. For example, I love “The Simpsons,” so I really enjoyed reading “The Gospel According to the Simpsons.” It takes examples from episodes and characters to illustrate religious ideas, values, and challenges, and I dug it.
On a less superficial/pop culture level, I started journaling. My mom did this when I was a kid, and it’s really easy to do. Every day, she takes out a notebook and jots down three things that made her smile, made her laugh, made her cry, etc. Just three things that made her thankful for the day. It’s nice to go back through them, and without meaning to, I’ve found that it can help me see how God (or whatever that higher power might be) moves through my life.
Good luck as you try to figure it all out. Faith is certainly a journey, and there are always hills and valleys on the path.
-Cooley
1:37 pm on January 14th, 2010
Christy, it’s definitely not just a lecture thing; I can definitely process those (otherwise I would have been sunk through grad school!). But I think you’re definitely right about needing something different than just straight preaching. Other thing: it would be great if I could find a way that rang valid and true to be able to teach Laurel about faith and spirituality.
1:54 pm on January 14th, 2010
Christy,
Can I tell you a secret. I am a seminar-trained, ordained pastor (or used to be) and yet I can’t remember one sermon I ever heard in all my 30 something years of church.
It’s not for everyone.
My recommendation would be that you make a little list of the thing that nurture you spiritually, and lean into those things. When those little voices start telling you you aren’t doing it “right” or that it’s not “official,” just pour them a nice cold something and tell them to kick back a little.
We’ve struggled a lot with what to do for ourselves, and for our children, in regards to soulcare. It took us awhile, but by listening to our intuitive voice — what some might call the Spirit — we found our way. You will too!
Much Warmth to you on your journey,
Rachelle Mee-Chapman
a.k.a Magpie Girl
Soulcare Specialist (and snoozer during sermons)
2:01 pm on January 14th, 2010
Christine,
I think many parents struggle with this. I was raised Catholic and still practice today. My son is preparing to make his first communion this year. I love that we attend church as a family but there was a time (post Catholic priest sex abuse scandal) that I questioned how I could raise my kids in a religion that has betrayed so many? I started “church shopping” and what I discovered is that for me, ritual and tradition are very important and comforting. I returned to the Catholic church with more conviction than before.
There’s a couple of great online resources you might want to check out: Beliefnet.com; Spiritualityandpractice.com; speakingoffaith.publicradio.org
Did you know that 50% of the people in pews on Sundays are in denominations other than the one they grew up in? And a lot of the people who go to church are looking for community, more than they are looking for spiritual guidance. I believe in God, teach my children to believe, and I think I have a more fulfilling life because of it.
Good luck!
3:26 pm on January 14th, 2010
Thanks so much for the thoughtful comments! Rachelle, I love the idea of leaning into the spiritually nurturing things. I was discussing this issue with my husband last night and he said that one of the places he has seen me most reflective and at peace is at the beach (any time of year — something about the vastness of the ocean I think).
Also, the idea of tuning out the critical voices — that’s an important one for me.
4:02 pm on January 14th, 2010
Christine.
The previous posts have been great. Not much new to add. Just to echo.
My mind always wanders too, but if they can bring me “back” a couple of times during the sermon, then I consider them good and I’ll go back. It really does come down to the person giving the sermon. Both in presentation style and the “connectivity” they make to everyday life.
Some places of worship have more than one priest, minister, pastor, etc. that may help since it is always different. Something to consider.
The sense of community is also a factor. You may not remember the sermon but the chatter, readings, music choices and people play a role.
I know it sounds strange, but there are some TV based church programs that are not “weird”. I found a program on TV with a pastor that really “did it” for me when I could not take my newborn out. Pretty cool, unique style and he relates the sermon to everyday life. I guess my point is that maybe it is just the “brick and mortar” that doesn’t do it for you.
Good luck with your journey. I think that is the ultimate point. Its the journey and not the destination, the questions and the search for answers, rather than answers, that Laurel will learn most.
Many blessings or, alternatively, may the force be with you
4:29 pm on January 14th, 2010
I am a very active member of my church (my husband is a deacon; we oversee several ministries, etc.) YET it is a struggle for me to not fall asleep during sermons even now. Taking notes help a bit, but I still need someone next to me to “poke” me in case I start to nod off.
It’s not even that the messages aren’t great - they are. Rather, it’s just the way I was built. If I’m not active or interacting in some way, my body kind of shuts down. My husband teases that I only have 2 buttons - ON and OFF - no PAUSE.
Maybe writing down the main points and Scriptures as they are shared might help you since you’re a writer. That way you can go back and process what you’ve learned later. That’s what works best for me…in between naps
Good luck!
5:22 pm on January 14th, 2010
Christine:
I’ve been wrestling with the whole God thing lately, too. I have trouble with several organized religions and the whole concept of the things you HAVE to do so God will love/accept you: tithe, attend church a certain number of times, marry a member of the opposite sex, blow up Americans, etc. I had a long chat with the very cool minister from the church I grew up in/got married in/baptised my boys in/can’t go to because it’s in PA last spring and he assured me that, like in most groups, a loud and radical minority get most of the press and that the masses are much more reasonable/accepting/fun. I have trouble with sermons, too, esp. if I can’t relate to the vibe the sermonizer is giving off.
I’m still having trouble understanding, as you mentioned, things like natural disasters and oh, I don’t know, CANCER. I’m down with the church-as-community concept, and I miss that, but for me “church” is as likely to be a silent walk in the snowy woods with my dog or, for my husband, sitting on his surfboard in Feb. watching the sunrise over the east coast. Sometimes I feel God more in the giggles of a toddler than I ever felt it in a church service.
Short story long, my jury’s still out. Good luck with your journey,
Sarah
7:10 pm on January 14th, 2010
I’ve also gone through similar periods, and I appreciate your writing all of this out. Thank you for sharing! xoxox
7:06 am on January 15th, 2010
[...] work at a hospital). It has all left me wondering where God is when these things happen. Over at PopDiscourse, Christine Koh asks about church and prompted me to try to put into words what has been whirling [...]
12:30 pm on January 15th, 2010
Christine,
I definitely understand where you are at. When I first started attending church (partly against my own will) I had such a difficult time paying attention. Once I really accepted Christ into my heart and really was convicted to live my life for the Lord I had to figure out how I was going to actually get the message out of the services. The best thing to help is to pray that the Lord gives you discipline to stay on task and stay focused for His glory. I definitely agree with others about finding a church that ’speaks’ your language. I went to a Catholic church when I was younger and it was just not my cup of tea. I go to a Bible-teaching church now, a church of Christ-followers. I don’t belong to a “denomination” of Christianity. And my church has such a great time praising the Lord through music on Sundays and our pastor is very energetic and enthusiastic about what the Lord guides him to teach on. I suggest finding a church that you feel can be your home.
And I definitely agree. Being a Christ follower doesn’t end with going to church on Sunday. Join a small group with your husband, grow in the Word together and with a community of believers. And then one day you too can feed those around you and maybe lead a small group of younger women (maybe students) at your church. I cannot tell you the joy I get from leading a college freshman small group. I learn so much through that experience!
I hope this helps!
Many blessings to you and yours,
Kat Farmer
11:04 pm on January 15th, 2010
My thought is go for the community, stay for the sermon. With a bit of searching, I bet you can find something that fits, something that feels like “home” to your body, mind and spirit. And I’m sure you’ll learn a lot during the process. Good luck!
8:54 am on January 17th, 2010
We’ve found a church recently where the pastor is just like one of us, you can sense his insecurity and imperfections and many might not like a leader like that, but in my heart I feel that is more true, and more human. And it’s easier to understand the word of God when it is seen lived that taught.
Have you ever seen any of Rob Bell’s Nooma videos? Definitely changed my way of looking at many things.
Steph