If you’ve read any of my previous posts about BlogHer 2009, you know that I’d like more awesomeness, less absurdness, tasteful implementation of blogger and sponsor relations, and more opportunity to convene with my women of color blogger peeps (please hold the Oriental salad). This final BlogHer 2009 post (rather belatedly) addresses future programming.

For context: I’ve been blogging since July 2006, which means I’m neither a newbie nor a longstanding veteran. I blog in three voices: Boston Mamas is my resource blog (though with a personal voice), Posh Peacock is my design blog, and Pop Discourse is my personal blog. I’m a tech geek and design freak and code and design all of my sites (though admittedly, I tossed up the Pop Discourse banner in a hurry…it could use improvement). I’m not particularly obsessed with matters of metrics and SEO (e.g., I only bother to check my metrics when a potential advertiser requests them) or even monetization (re: starry eyed assumption that you can open a blogspot account and two weeks later be raking in the big bucks…instead, I make my real money via writing, editing, and design projects). I’ve trusted my instincts — to good effect I believe — on how to navigate blogger and brand relations and have developed a set of standards at Boston Mamas (no pay for play, full disclosure, etc.) that I feel good about.

As such, I didn’t come away with any hard skills per se from BlogHer 2009. I didn’t need tech tutorials, advice on figuring out voice, or introductory lessons on this whole business of brands and bloggers. Which is all fine. I knew the agenda from the outset and my main purpose for attending was to connect with people, which proved to be a tremendously moving experience. And I also know that some people simply attend for the parties, which is fine too. The parties were pretty damned rocking this year.

That said, I’m a think tank type person; I like to think forward on how to improve and shape events, to enhance the experiences of as many people as possible. Here are some thoughts on potential programming elements that might be compelling for both newbies and veterans. If you have other ideas, I’d love to hear them in the comments below, and will forward this post to the ladies over at BlogHer.

In no particular order:

1. Concrete tips for coping with writer’s block and finding new inspiration.

2. Creative and meaningful ways to expand one’s network of writers. And, what to make of all of these blog directories? Which ones provide the best means for true connection and community?

3. Becoming a better writer (e.g., tips to streamline writing, be funnier, etc.).

4. The power of images (e.g., how to shoot photos for your blog, what to do about images of your family, best sources for free stock imagery, etc.)

5. How to go about officially branding (e.g., trademark). Is it necessary? And how to handle creative theft and other people infringing on your brand.

6. Let’s talk metrics: What to do about stagnated traffic, how to build meaningful traffic (not just giveaway traffic), or are traditional metrics overrated?

7. Let’s talk Twitter: the good, bad, and the ugly.

8. When monetization doesn’t matter: what inspires your writing?

9. Bloggers & Brands: navigating the complicated waters and establishing your worth (inspired by this post from Liz Gumbinner).

10. Family matters: handling family fall out as it relates to your blog content, your presence in social media, and events that take you away from family.

Call me an idealist, but despite this being the digital age, I still believe in etiquette, and the fact that relationships matter. I don’t e-sleep around. I want to get to know a person or organization first.

I receive a lot of pitches at Boston Mamas and many of them are straightforward to process (see here, here, and here on how not to pitch me). However, lately — whether due to the economy, awareness about social media outreach, or both — I have seen a rise in pitches asking me to donate money, time, and/or editorial/advertising space to a cause.

Now, I don’t have a lump of coal for a heart. I understand that it’s a challenging time to raise money. And that there are scores of good-hearted organizations competing against one another for philanthropic dollars. But during a conversation with Jon this morning (regarding Example 3 below), I commented that it’s one thing to ask the general public for money; it’s a completely different thing to ask a blogger to leverage their site and voice and readers for your cause without bothering to engage in any kind of relationship first, and without offering some sort of karmic reciprocity.

When I mentioned the reciprocity component, Jon bristled. Following my recent NPR interview re: bloggers and corporations and ethics, he wondered whether it was ethical to expect something in return from an organization in exchange for supporting them. And I explained that in my opinion, working with an organization to help them raise money is very, very different than something like a product review (note: there is no pay for play whatsoever in my editorial space at Boston Mamas). And in these cases, I need for a relationship – gasp, a two-way relationship! – to be in place. Perhaps this is best explained by way of examples:

Example 1 (good karma):

Two years ago, the March of Dimes contacted me and said they would love to form a partnership in advance of their March for Babies walk. At that time, Boston Mamas was smaller; it was well before all of the press and accolades. But they weren’t concerned with metrics; they loved and believed in my site and thought it was a perfect fit, even if the reach at that time wasn’t huge. And I was thrilled to connect with them, not only because it was an honor to be affiliated with a well-known organization, but because I believed in their work. My brother and his wife were pregnant with twins; one died in utero and one was born premature. And when I worked at Mass. General Hospital in Boston, I helped design and implement a research protocol to use music to help relieve infant stress responses during heel sticks in the NICU.

During an extended phone conversation with the March of Dimes, I shared these stories. I also discusses my metrics and the various ways I could help them (banners, editorial, forming a walk team), and they offered reciprocity in terms of web presence and a (surprisingly large) banner at the Hatch Shell for the walk. My relationship has continued with them; both through this past year’s walk and also by signing on as a March of Dimes Mom. I can truly say it has been a pleasure and honor to be partnered with them. And as Boston Mamas has grown and gained national recognition in the last two years, I believe their investing in our relationship paid off for them.

Example 2 (bad karma):

I was invited to visit a local organization that helps women and children. Though it wasn’t convenient for my schedule, I squeezed in a visit because: a) I believed in their mission; and b) partnership for an interesting upcoming event was suggested. When I arrived, the director of development gave me her schpiel and it soon became very clear that she invited me not in the context of being a media partner, but to pitch me as a major donor — and one who would also leverage my readership to gain additional donors. I explained that I was not in the position to make a large direct donation, but would be happy to discuss a media partnership similar to what I had done with the March of Dimes, assuming there weren’t time conflicts (I’m loyal…the March of Dimes is my first philanthropic priority). Her expression changed markedly; she said she would think about it and follow up with me, and I haven’t heard from her since.

Example 3 (possibly worse karma):

I was invited to a blogger luncheon for a local children’s charity. At first I felt compelled to go because it’s a well-known charity that does good work, but when I read the agenda (lunch, facility tour, meeting the mom of a really sick kid) I had a sinking feeling; it was a transparent effort to jerk the heartstrings. I didn’t like that — I’d rather they just engaged with the bloggers directly instead of using the mom of a sick kid to appeal to other moms.

Then logistics made my attendance more challenging and I canceled. I felt some relief actually, and then received an email saying:

I have another request for you – would you consider donating ad space on your site for an ad for ___________? Your readers would be a great audience for us to reach.

In a world replete with puppy dogs and unicorns, I’d like to believe that people mean well, even despite one-way approaches such as Examples 2 and 3 above. But I’m a realist and I’ve seen enough pitches to know when an organization simply wants to take advantage of bloggers to their own gain, with not even the vaguest consideration of reciprocity (I mean, really, it’s not hard for an organization to toss a logo on their web or print materials; I design this sort of material all the time…). And in my opinion, what makes matters worse is that ultimately, this kind of behavior stinks of greed hiding behind the covers of organizations meant to help people.

Relationships matter. And contrary to what many people apparently think, they’re two-way. So just bear in mind that if you approach me with a pick up line that is all about you without even acknowledging that I’m here, I’m going to turn you down.

Oh bugger. After feeling as if Dancing with the Stars really found a way to offer something for everyone with its roster last year, I’m feeling rather unspired by this year’s list. I pounced on the link with baited breath, then exhaled with a resounding, “Meh.”

Oh well, I suppose this is just as well for my productivity. Though if any of you want to offer arguments for why I should tune in, I’m all ears. I do like me some glittery dresses.