As you may have noticed from the unusual frequency with which this blog has been updated this week, I’ve been mulling over BlogHer pretty much constantly since returning from the meeting – still feeling the highs of the awesomeness and the lows of the, well, really low behavior. And as I burned countless hours of work time this week reading BlogHer follow up posts, those by Amelia Sprout and Liz Gumbinner both touched on major issues I have been thinking about – that of the intersection between bloggers and sponsors, and how to improve things moving forward.

From Amelia Sprout:

There has to be a way for it to work. I think bloggers add value to the whole product process. I think we have power to support and encourage small businesses. The kinds that can’t afford a PR firm but that support us in return. I think we can bring about change (I hear something good came out of Camp Baby). I think BlogHer, being a huge gathering of bloggers, is a great way to reach us. Something has to give however.

There has to be something that allows the sponsorships of the conferences, the support of bloggers, and the dialogue, without selling both us and the companies themselves short. I saw some little things that worked. I saw things given without pitches or obligations. Things I was excited to see and try out. I was allowed to give opinions and feedback to brands I love and ones I have issues with. I saw parties turned to no swag zones (I still hope you take my idea on the women’s shelter donation) and swag given out late in a party to encourage you know, actual partying.

Sometimes I think that things have to go horribly wrong before we figure out how to find balance. I hope that this was the extreme. I’m sure people sponsoring and giving out swag don’t want to be judged by the actions of few either. We need to talk about this so things can change.

From Liz Gumbinner (per bullet point list of shameless behavior examples):

The “sponsored” bloggers who were so inept and amateur with their outreach, they simply shoved products into your hands, however irrelevant, or interrupted conversations and interviews to tell you about their sponsor’s VERY VALUABLE GIVEAWAY.

The sponsored bloggers who took the money and ran, all but ignoring their obligations to their benefactors over the course of the weekend.

The empty cardboard boxes that unapologetically polluted the halls outside rooms of bloggers there to hand out swag as the Sheraton’s overtaxed janitorial staff struggled to keep up with it.

These two excerpts touched me because I truly believe there are ways for bloggers and sponsors to co-exist in harmony, and even - lo! - build meaningful, mutually beneficial partnerships. I was immensely grateful to be sponsored by 360 Public Relations and Stonyfield Farm and I did not overwhelm strangers with pitches and crap for my sponsors, nor did I neglect my responsibilities. I also was not a “swag hag” yet was able to enjoy and appreciate various items that were handed to or earmarked for me. It was, in fact, possible to achieve tasteful balance on both of these fronts.

If you haven’t read it already, Jory’s post about the development of sponsorship since BlogHer’s inception was so moving and enlightening; the reality is that by BlogHer bringing sponsors into the mix, they could offer more programming, more food options for those with special dietary needs, goodies to take home that showed that brands valued the conference and attendees, etc… It made me realize how important sponsors are on so many different levels (beyond the vague understanding that they’re the money). So, doesn’t it make sense that bloggers not scare them off with greedy, irresponsible behavior, and that bloggers and sponsors find ways to build meaningful bridges?

And yes, as Amelia Sprout suggested, I do believe there is a way for this to work. I think we can learn from the mistakes and come out stronger on the other side. I think it is possible for bloggers and sponsors and occasional free goodies to co-exist in harmony without exploding on contact or resulting in bruises, welts, or injured babies. The world’s not perfect and we can’t expect everyone to act to the same moral code or manners, so perhaps if some tweaks are made that essentially encourage accountability, we can enjoy less ugliness and more awesomeness next year. Here are my recommendations on a multi-faceted approach to holding bloggers and sponsors accountable. If you have other suggestions, I would love to hear them.

EVENT COORDINATORS

1. Set guidelines about waste removal. Liz’s point about the janitorial staff really touched a nerve, having grown up in a working class family where I was one of those people breaking down boxes and cleaning up messes (thankfully, not the vomit in the Sheraton elevator) at my parents’ market. To make waste removal easier for the hotel staff, require that brands and bloggers break down boxes if they are having crates of swag shipped to the hotel. Work with the hotel to impose an additional charge to rooms left with an excess of mess. The idea is similar to air travel; when you have to pay for service (e.g., number of bags) it makes you think harder about what to bring or what to leave behind. I also feel that instances such as this, where hotels are abused in this manner is bad for so many reasons; bad for the staff, bad for fellow lodgers, bad for other conferences in the future who wish to book events.

2. Reiterate sponsored blogger rules. Though I don’t remember all of the details (I remember reading the guidelines and thinking, OK, none of this applies to me. Moving on…) I know that BlogHer issued a set of rules for sponsored blogger engagement and they were very reasonable — basically asking sponsored bloggers to act with decency. Unfortunately many sponsored bloggers didn’t get or read or care to act on the memo. Reiterate the rules by including the link in all newsletters leading up to the conference, point to them again at the keynote housekeeping, include them in the conference packet, etc. Basically, the more available the rules are, hopefully the more difficult it will be for bloggers to ignore them.

3. Give a little wiggle room for smaller companies. I have no idea how conference organization works and this might be a little controversial, but I would love to see smaller companies in the mix. Whether this means offering a different sponsorship rate depending on company size/earnings or allowing smaller companies to include product or postcards at a discount would not only help smaller businesses, but also allow more opportunity for sponsors relevant to the target audience to be included.

BRANDS

4. Think about what you’re sending. The fact that there was a swag-swapping center is both good and bad. It shows that BlogHer identified the reality that people don’t always want the stuff that is there. But then that means that there was a lot of stuff people were jettisoning to the Land of the Misfit Swag. The point of product insertion is to get something interesting and enticing in front of the consumer. But if it is just getting tossed, aren’t you missing the target?

5. Consider philanthropic “swag.” Here’s a novel idea. Insert a traditional business postcard to inform people about your business, but instead of including pencils, sticky notes, or whatever, make a donation to a charity and tell people about your good deed. On each card indicate that a donation was made in BlogHer’s honor to [charity name]. I would much rather have my $1’s worth of random swag (assuming per person cost of corporate pens, etc.) donated to a cause. And you bet I’ll remember your brand for that philanthropic effort. I’d probably even tell other people about you and/or tweet about it.

6. Create meaningful sponsorships with bloggers. If you were amidst the sponsors who asked bloggers to push flyers and giveaway updates on other bloggers, think carefully about next year. Your brand essentially was tarnished by association. It is OK to ask your bloggers to offer material to other bloggers, but it should be as relevant. For example, for Stonyfield Farm I did in fact have free product coupons to offer but I handed them out as was relevant (chatting over meals, about organic products, about sponsorship, etc.), not just randomly to people who may not have any interest in what I had to offer. Otherwise, the bulk of my sponsorship arrangements were via placement on my website, in my newsletter, in posts related to BlogHer, etc. The approach was tasteful, meaningful, and unobtrusive.

7. Implement accountability. One element to consider is accountability. And make it meaningful. Talk to your blogger(s) following the meeting; ask them to present feedback on how things went, how other bloggers responded to their brand, thoughts about different sessions, etc. Essentially, structure something in advance that forces the blogger to really think about their experience, so they’re not otherwise pushing their flyers on random people or spending their time trolling around trying to blackmail the Crocs guy.

BLOGGERS

8. Outline a plan. This relates to the accountability point above, but from the blogger responsibility and protection vantage. I obtained my BlogHer sponsorships simply by making the ask. I  drafted a bullet point list of what I thought the sponsorship should entail and also indicated I was flexible to incorporate other ideas. If you lay out the details in advance, think about them in a meaningful way with your sponsor, and stick to them, you can reduce the chance that the arrangement will snowball into a scary promotional mess.

9. Push back if needed. Obviously, you don’t want to anger or push away a sponsor, but if they make unreasonable demands of you (e.g., pushing swag on other bloggers with no context) is that really worth it? Do you want to be known as one of the crazy bloggers who accosted people and flooded them with material that wasn’t relevant to them?

10. Don’t be a swag hag. Period. If you either: a) showed up to a party just to score a swag bag then moved on to the next one; b) elbowed bloggers or babies to advance your position in the swag queue; c) had no idea what the suites you visited to score swag were even about; and/or d) stole swag from elevator carts, other bloggers, or small children then you are, by definition, a swag hag and you took advantage of the hosts and brands who contributed to the parties with little in mind except your own gain. Think about all of the things you collected and approximate how much it was worth. Was it worth looking like a crazy person? Was it worth the cost of shipping or the extra airline freight charges to get it all home? How much of it did you use? How much did you throw away? Did you recycle any of it? Allow all of these answers to sink into your conscience and act with more restraint next go around.

11. Do not pimp the Expo floor. I originally was going to include something about rules of engagement in the event coordinator or sponsor sections, but then I realized that the behavior of every single brand I met on the Expo floor was just as it should be: respectful, informative, and sometimes really, really entertaining. So, the bad behavior on the Expo floor (asking for extra samples, pimping for free product + one for a reader giveaway, etc.) was at the hands of the bloggers. The point of an Expo floor is to allow you to interface with brands and learn about them. Yes, learn! If sponsors give you a small sample you can choose to accept it or say no thanks. It is not grounds to score as many free samples as possible while the representative is talking to another blogger. It is not grounds for you to make arrangements to your gain on the spot. If you love a brand and would like to talk to them further about a possible working relationship, ask for a business card and if it is OK for you to follow up later. Or hand out your card and ask them to keep you in mind in future outreach efforts. Keep in mind: if you act like a crazy, greedy person on the Expo floor as you interact with brands, do you really think they’re going to want to follow up with a working relationship?

Essentially, it all boils down to common sense, decency, and accountability. And if you don’t have any problem acting without common sense, deceny, and accountability, then I suppose you won’t mind if I bring my Flip to BlogHer 2010 so I can shoot footage in the face of greed and absurdity and post it to YouTube.

I love New York.

And it’s not just the Sex and the City imagery, bargain manicures, and mystery smells lining the busy streets. I’m just a girl who loves city living, and though I’m a Bostonian to the core, I’ve always wanted a taste of living in the big city next door. At least for a little while.

OK, there, I admitted it. Don’t worry, I’d still root for the Red Sox. And now you understand why I was a little disappointed back in the day, when Jon declined Columbia for grad school and we instead moved to a crime-ridden suburb just outside of the nation’s capital, where someone tried to sell us crack outside the supermarket. For real.

Anyhow, back to New York City. The reason I bring it up is because it has long been known (6 days) that BlogHer 2010 will be in the Big Apple. And no amount of mommy blogger discontent will keep me from going because aside from the distasteful behavior (for a remarkably accurate musically comedic summary, visit Telling Dad), there was SO MUCH AWESOMENESS about BlogHer 2009. For me, it was all about connecting with people in real life. Just like the conference tagline. And on that front, BlogHer delivered. I have heard folks tweet/comment about not wanting to attend BlogHer 2010 after hearing about this year’s shenanigans but I hope you will reconsider once you read this post (also, please read Jory’s excellent personal post about all of this).

I plan on following up with some of the awesome pictures I snapped (I’ll leave it to two professional snaps here) because I haven’t had a chance to download my pictures (the backlog is several months long unfortunately and I’m short on time this week). Meanwhile, here are my shiny, happy moments from BlogHer:

With the delicious Tim Gunn. Image credit: Tide Bounce Laundry Lounge

Just a few hot chicks in hot pink boas. With Erin & Kristin of ManicMommies.com. Image credit: eyeficard

+ + + + +

Kudos to Jory, Elisa, and Lisa for putting together an amazing event! I have more BlogHer thoughts and photos to share in the coming days. It was an amazing weekend and now you know why I’ll be heading to NYC in 2010.

Of all the BlogHer sessions I attended, the Women of Color and Marketing panel undoubtedly was the feistiest. No doubt this was due in part to spirited panelists Kelly, Heather, Karen, and Stefania, but there’s also the hot button nature of race and ethnicity discussions, plus the fact that niche marketing can be tricky. In a previous life I might not have had the courage and inner peace to even walk into a panel of that title, but I’m glad I do now and did walk through that door (thanks Victoria, for finding me a seat despite standing room only). Not only did the spirited conversation make clear some existing issues and concrete ways for blogger and brand relations to move forward, but I’ll be damned, all of a sudden I felt very connected to a new niche – that as a women of color blogger. And I swear, I’m not saying that just because mommy bloggers got a really bad rap at BlogHer.

History is necessary. It’s long been challenging for me to comfortably identify as a woman of color. I was extremely self-conscious growing up Korean in an affluent white Boston suburb (in a family prone to drama and police intervention, no less). I was desperate to fit in, and cringed at the stereotypes I fit into (yet another Korean kid playing violin) and the roles I would never achieve, be they socioeconomic (attaining the 3 pairs of Guess jeans and 2 Benetton insignia sweaters that would allow me to sit with some of my friends at lunch was impossible) or racially driven (I would never get a real part in a school play because race/ethnicity lines for traditional roles weren’t crossed back then). These may seem like minor points, but during adolescence they were huge.

In college my frustration and confusion continued. I attended a very white New England college where I was bucketed as a multicultural student and thus was invited to an early orientation so I could learn to use the ATM. When the dining hall introduced a la carte cooking with woks, a food service employee told me I should know how to use those things (he actually got fired for that). I also felt like a campus token; yes, I was high achieving and relatively attractive, but I’m not sure that warranted being featured in several pieces of collateral, including front and center of the college catalog. Finally, there were cases where my racial status “backfired” on me – such as when I was denied transfer to another university (and heard whispers of the Asian quota already being filled…damn those overachieving Asians!) or when I wasn’t eligible to apply for certain scholarships because I was not an “underrepresented minority” (again, damn those overachieving Asians!).

I’ve evolved a lot since those years. I have embraced my Korean culture (even taking language lessons at the Korean embassy when I lived outside of Washington, DC), but clearly, I still have some issues. Did it tweak me when I would tote my brown haired, blue eyed baby daughter around and people would ask whether I was Laurel’s nanny? Yes. Do I still get a little annoyed when I get those wondering glances when I’m out with her alone (the blue eyes have turned brown but she still has brown hair and a Caucasian complexion)? Sometimes. Will I ever be able to order the Oriental salad on a restaurant menu? Probably not.

Now, let’s fast forward to BlogHer, where I twice heard from friends who witnessed a couple of other Asian bloggers get approached and asked whether they were Christine Koh from Boston Mamas. On one level, I’m flattered that people were looking for me; on the other, it’s insulting because of all the Asians I saw at the conference (and believe me, we notice one another) none of them looked remotely like me (or like one another). I even decided to wear my glasses for the entire conference to make it easier to liken me to my avatar.

I digress, but not far, really, from the women of color and marketing panel. And not just because some of the panelists complained similarly of being confused for one another despite looking nothing alike. (Following a joke by one of the panelists, Victoria later took a picture of me and Kristen Chase to document that we are in fact different people who look nothing alike…though I wouldn’t object to looking like that hottie).

There was an impressive mix of bloggers and marketers in the crowd, and the session made clear that pitching to bloggers of color is not cut and dry. Here were some take aways from the meeting:

1. Some bloggers just want to be pitched like any other blogger, irrespective of the color of their skin. As Kelly and I chatted about at a separate time, if you’re pitching toothpaste, race and ethnicity are irrelevant and it just seems bizarre if you put a racial/ethnic spin on it. However, pitching hair or skin products is another matter entirely.

2. Some bloggers clearly feel more comfortable being pitched by someone who reflects their culture.

3. Many bloggers of color feel marginalized in outreach; some traced this to the fact that some agencies have or are developing niche departments to specifically target women of color. However, these branch arms are underfunded and thus go untended. (Mel, A Dramatic Mommy suggested that cash-strapped agencies hire bloggers for hourly social media consultation instead of trying to build a separate, salaried division.)

4. Marketers need to cast a wider net. Dig deeper and go beyond the best known bloggers of color.

5. On the flip side of above, bloggers of color also need to step up and be their own advocates if they hear of something going on and have not been approached. (But please, I urge you to do so with taste and grace and an understanding that campaigns may be full. Acknowledge that fact up front, and that if the campaign is full, you’d appreciate being considered for a future campaign.)

6. Related to point #5, bloggers of color also should go to bat for one another. Spread the good karma and recommend fellow bloggers of colors for niche campaigns, or just other awesome bloggers in general for non-niche campaigns.

7. To appeal to consumers of color, brands must have images on their site that reflect diversity (seems like a no brainer but a lot of companies do not do this).

8. And possibly the most important lesson of all, do not try to adjust the dial of a writer’s voice to make it fit your campaign. Carol of NYCity Mama didn’t appreciate being asked to blog more Latina. Oh yes, she really was asked to do that.

It’s still a tad mysterious to me, but there was something remarkably energizing in that room, and very moving about meeting so many impassioned bloggers of color. It made me feel extremely proud, and sitting in that session also made me realize that I have never received a single Asian-related pitch, despite being very open and clear about my Korean heritage, here and at Boston Mamas. Maybe the demand isn’t there, the quota is full, or maybe I just don’t write Asian enough. But whatever the reason, it matters not if I never receive a woman of color pitch because it’s the relationships with these amazing women that I really care about.

And maybe, just maybe, one of these days that solidarity will help me evolve to order Oriental salad.