I’ve always been convinced that I’m incapable of being on vacation at home; the landslide of household minutia resides too close, the laptop too easily accessible. I’m pretty sure even my therapist typed me as someone who needs to leave the premises in order to truly sink into vacation.

But last week I proved myself wrong. And in the process, I developed a new perspective on parenting, work, and balance.

Last Saturday we headed to Maine for a much needed vacation; the original plan was for Jon to return on Tuesday and for Laurel and me to follow on Thursday. Per usual, we had a wonderful time with our friends in Maine – time that was replete with laughter, awesome food (probably too much food), vacation-y adventures, and catching up on fine literature (read: trashy magazines). On Tuesday, as Jon’s departure time grew closer, I was of two minds: on the one hand, I didn’t feel ready to leave and wasn’t wild about spending the rest of vacation at home for the aforementioned can’t-vacation-at-home-reasons. On the other hand, I was feeling a bit under the weather, and the idea of negotiating Laurel and my things home on Thursday via multiple phases of public transit lacked appeal.

Ultimately, as is the case with many things, Laurel was the deciding factor. She wanted to go with Daddy. She wanted the family to stick together.

So we left. And it was a good choice given that Jon, Laurel, and I got sick. But even so, the most amazing thing happened; it actually started while we were still in Maine.

I stumbled upon a new way to work. Or not work. Or rather, be completely present whether working or parenting, but not trying to do both at the same time.

On Sunday and Monday in Maine, I did launch a post each morning. But because we were on vacation, I didn’t jump out of bed thinking about posting; I got around to it after breakfast, when we were all lazing around figuring out what to do with the day. Totally low maintenance.

Then I was officially off on my internet vacation the rest of the week. I didn’t post, I only peeked in briefly on Twitter and Facebook (and admittedly, was sort of turned off by both and quickly left). I pretty much ignored my email. Instead, after we returned to Boston, I…

…spent an entire rainy day indoors in jammies with Laurel, reading books, goofing off, playing games, and eating all of our food picnic style.

…was able to be that mom — the one who, when the sitter couldn’t come over for a few hours as planned, was able to say, “No problem; don’t sweat it!” and actually mean it.

…instead spent the sitter time (during which I had planned on running boring errands) taking Laurel to the library and toy store, then out for a yummy sushi lunch, then to pick up her pottery at the paint your own pottery studio. I can’t say enough how much I love bopping around out and about with Laurel. She is the best sidekick.

…spent my evenings with my lovely husband, not my laptop.

…enjoyed an afternoon baking up a storm with Laurel. We took advantage of the spoils of our CSA and made chocolate zucchini cake and a double batch of zucchini bread (froze a batch, gave a batch to my mom).

…made moussaka from scratch (using the landslide of eggplant and potato from our CSA). Definitely a labor of love but so worth it. And an even greater, unexpected gift? Laurel actually tried some and declared that she loved it and ate a whole piece (protein, starch, vegetable, and dairy, all in one sitting!).

…dealt with hundreds of emails that have been languishing in my inbox to get my inbox under 50 messages. I did this over the weekend when I was slowly crawling out of my internet hibernation and I think the break helped me bucket these e-mails more clearly; meaning, I followed up on the ones of interest, dealt with e-mails that required action that didn’t take long but were hanging around for a long time, and filed e-mails that simply did not resonate with me (there were a lot of them). It felt enormously cleansing and the process inspired me to get in the habit of really listening to my instinct when I receive emails – to file or deal with things quickly to avoid generating a backlog that overwhelms me.

…did not fret about household minutia. Not one speck, as Laurel says. And the house? It’s still standing. In fact, it looks totally fine, not even really worth fretting over.

At first I was a little stunned by how easy it was for me to not worry about household minutia and work and simply remain in fun vacation mode at home. But in turning the week over in my mind and with Jon, it seems like the two major factors at play were expectation and mindset. I always told myself it was impossible to be in vacation mode at home without ever really trying it. I’m someone who tends to create projects and long to-do lists (re: household minutia), so I just let go of that. So liberating. And it proved immensely powerful to publicly declare an internet vacation; I gave myself space and time; I lessened my and others’ expectations of me and my response time.

And the thing is – and this is very easy to forget as an independent businessperson who tends to put her head down and power through work – I am in charge of expectation and mindset; I can give myself space and time whenever I want, even when back on a regular work routine. The point is, I am, in fact, driving this bus and this week helped me see that I could operate in all of my various roles on my own terms to incredibly rewarding effect – it was possible to post in an easy and relaxed way, be truly mindful when I was with my family, enjoy the beauty in life’s small moments, and be focused when I finally sat down to look at my inbox.

Expectation and mindset. If you’re feeling disgruntled with [work, parenting, fill in the blank...], experiment with adjusting — even in baby steps. Remember, ultimately, we all drive the bus.

After the shenanigans that ensued at BlogHer last year, I was a little worried about this year’s conference. I mean, I definitely planned on heading to New York, but I was nervous nonetheless. About potential fodder to perpetuate the bad mommy blogger rap. About the size of the conference. About potential bad brand & blogger behavior. And so forth.

So it was with a huge sigh of relief and happiness that I left New York — my worries unfounded. Yes, the conference was huge, but I heard someone astutely comment that in being a huge conference it became small, in the sense that you had to seek out small group interaction more. With one exception of a blogger randomly thrusting a promotional flyer in my hand, the brands and bloggers seemed well behaved. Even my dodgy pregnancy appetite and fatigue subsided in the face of the infectious New York energy.

I also like to think that part of my personal happiness with the conference came from being better prepared, which I was if you don’t count packing. Back in June I shared a less is more approach to BlogHer and I followed it to the letter. Here are the tenets of my approach and how things shook out:

1. Be realistic about the conference program…and take a step outside your comfort zone.

As I looked through the conference program, I decided to attend two sessions I normally wouldn’t attend. The first was my friend Gabby’s design panel (I design websites so one might think I don’t need to attend this kind of session); the second was the stats panel (I never check my metrics and feel that people are too obsessed with them). I found both sessions tremendously interesting and walked away with many nuggets of wisdom that I hope to implement soon.

2. Take a realistic look at your social calendar.

Shortly after I wrote my less is more post, I took a hard look at my calendar and rescinded RSVPs to events where I knew I would not be able to get there in time to give the hosts and sponsors due respect. I also kept declining new event invitations as they rolled in, no matter how awesome the event. This was hard for me because my default is to want to do everything possible to support my friends who are hosting things, but I stuck to my policy. My first day in NY involved more tight transitions than I wanted (I went from the TODAY show to Liberty Mutual’s Responsibility Project event on Ellis Island to SocialLuxe to a dinner with friends) but the rest of the weekend worked really well with my reduced calendar. I’ll get to small group/individual interactions next, but I just wanted to give a shout out to SocialLuxe (organized by my talented friends Marie, Allison, and Jane) and Getting Gorgeous (co-hosted by my lovely friend Audrey) — both events were large yet executed really beautifully. I also loved the Nate Berkus, Sparklecorn, and CheeseburgHerz parties (though admittedly it was a little disorienting being in a ballroom not a hotel suite for CheeseburgHerz). So many friends, so much awesomeness.

My one regret is that I didn’t manage my time well at the end of the day on Friday and missed the Voices of the Year Gala and Art Auction curated by Kirtsy. The auction is live right now if you want to get your hands on some fine art while benefiting the Gulf.

3. Book face time with friends.

One of my favorite things about this conference was how much small group time there was, whether explicitly carved out by me or event organizers. For example:

It was utterly perfect to start my time in New York City at the TODAY show (thank you Alicia!), where a small group of bloggers convened, including wonderful folks such as Audrey, Kristen, Catherine, Colleen, Renee, Danielle, Isabel, Allison, Barbara, Cecily, Katja, Dina, and Emily. It was intimate and relaxed and fun and I was so proud to see Liz Gumbinner and Ree Drummond represent women bloggers so graciously.

One of my favorite pictures of the conference, at the TODAY show. I heart you Liz.

It was similarly wonderful to end my first day in New York City at a small group dinner organized by the lovely Liz and Kristen. We dined at La Esquina, where the food was fantastic and the conversation and laughter flowed. I had the pleasure of sitting between and chatting a lot with Gretchen and Julie, and connecting with so many wonderful friends, old and new. I heart you Asha, Nicole, Lena, Christina, Isabel, Pierre, Tania, Roxanna, Tina, Georgia, Susan, Heather, Y, and Anna (and other wonderful people I know I’m totally missing in this list…sorry!). Only regret (other than omitting folks in this list)? I failed to take any pictures at dinner.

Last year I lamented not running the BlogHer 5K with my fellow Shredheads, convinced I could never run. What a difference a year makes. This year I happily ran alongside the lovely Samantha and Linsey (my Eat Blog Run teammates) and not only ran, but chatted while running. I always thought I was incapable of chatting while running but go figure, it made the run zip by. It was fantastic to start the day with a run through Central Park.

Another great thing was carving out times with friends over meals. On Friday I connected with Marie, Jane, Samantha, and Linsey of Eat Blog Run (we missed you Heather, but glad I got chat time with you elsewhere!). On Saturday, I met with the lovely Kelly and Justine for breakfast, and with some of my favorite Boston area bloggers, Christina, Tania, and Roxanna, for lunch. Having those small, intimate lunches was utterly delightful. I also ended up tracking down Lindsay at the bar one evening; so great to catch up.

There were a couple of people that I hunted down by phone. The first was my delightful friend Elizabeth – we parked ourselves in the hotel lobby to catch up, and it was wonderful to do so. Given that we were near the elevators, it also ended up being the perfect spot to have other friends drop by and say hello. We’re setting up camping chairs next time! The second person I hunted down was Kimberly. We had a couple of connection misfires but ultimately did get in some chat time. And I was so happy to capture this utterly stunning photo of her.

The utterly gorgeous and smart Kimberly Coleman.

My last stop in New York was the Juno Baby event at FAO Schwartz. It was lovely to connect with folks like Jenny, Whitney, Karen, Maggie, and Laura, who I hadn’t seen much or at all through the weekend.

I just adore this picture with Karen Walrond.

I also was thrilled to finally meet Meagan, Annie, Amelia Sprout, Aimee, Kami, Catherine, Laura, and Liz, among other folks. So. Awesome.

{Intermission while my wrist recovers from all of that link love…}

4. Pack what makes you happy and comfortable.

I did, in fact, pack clothes that made me happy and comfortable and pretty (it also helped that Gap helped dress me because I was totally last minute with packing — thank you Gap). I also packed less shoes. It was perfect.

5. Be mindful about swag.

I didn’t seek out swag at suites or at the Expo. The only things I picked up were bags that were set aside for me at different events. I still had quite a lot of things to take home but I did look through everything before taking the trouble to haul it home and either shared with my roommates (champagne and coffee doesn’t work for me right now) or the swag suite. I also brought home things that are fabulous but that I don’t really need, to share with my contributing writers.

Other things that were key to this awesome weekend?

Having awesome roommates. Asha and Katherine are amazing. I love that after knowing Katherine for less than 24 hours she was already comfortable enough with me to jokingly (or not) gift me with Metamucil. #thatslovebaby #pregnancywoes

Katherine and Asha = best roommates a girl could ask for.

It also helped that my complicated transit plans, which involved several modes of transportation + connecting with my in-laws to drop off/pick up Laurel, worked seamlessly.

So, what did I leave BlogHer with?

A deep and profound appreciation for my friends. I may be imagining it, but I feel as if so many people totally have my back if I need them. Even if it’s via the internet.

An idea for a book I want to write, inspired by a conversation with the lovely Gretchen Rubin.

Warm, fuzzy feelings about my baby to be; look how effortless Gabby makes toting a baby at a conference look.

Gabby makes parenting look effortless and beautiful. I love this portrait.

Immense pride for the accomplishments of my community (Susan, I need to order your book!).

One of these days, I want to publish a book. I love that there are role models all around me. Congrats Susan!

A desire to go to cake baking school. Or maybe intern at Charm City Cakes.

Duff, give me a call if you need help in the kitchen. I am the ultimate worker bee.

A desire to be employed by the Muppet Workshop.

The Muppet Workshop at FAO Schwartz.

A desire to sit down and think about my content, finally look at my stats, and do a major redesign of Boston Mamas.

I can do all of this before the baby comes in March, right?

Yesterday afternoon, a reporter from the Boston Herald called my home number.

A number I never give out professionally. Because, you know, it’s my home number.

A number I have listed under my husband’s name so I’m not easy to find. Because even though I know that my stalker ex-boyfriend from the early 1990’s knows my husband’s name and our current address (pathetic, I know), the many years of dealing with him has left me in the habit of erring on the side of caution when it comes to privacy.

The reporter wanted to ask my opinion about the recent 8-week maternity leave ruling in Massachusetts. I put the reporter on hold so I could get Laurel settled with an activity while I took the call, then asked her how she got my phone number. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “I’m happy to talk to reporters but I never give out this number. I prefer that media contact me by e-mail, as indicated on my website. Can you tell me how you got this number?”

Reporter: “I looked it up in a database.”

Me: “I shouldn’t be in a database. This telephone number is not under my name.”

Reporter: “Actually, I looked it up under your husband’s name.”

Me: “Excuse me? How did you find that information? My husband and I have different surnames and I purposefully list the phone under his name so I’m not easy to find. I prefer to keep my daughter and husband as separate from my public activities as possible.”

Reporter: “We have a special sleuthing database that we pay a lot of money to have access to. It’s the same kind of database that background investigators and the police use.”

Me: [Envision mouth hanging open] “I find that really, really creepy.”

Reporter: “Oh, well don’t worry, you were really hard to find. I don’t think anyone else will be calling you soon.”

As if that was supposed to make me feel better.

Admittedly, as this conversation went down, I was: a) in a state of shock; b) still interested in conversing about the 8-week maternity leave ruling; c) exhausted and emotionally hung over from BlogHer; and d) having flashbacks of sitting at my college public safety office asking them to kick my stalker ex-boyfriend off campus if they saw his car on the property. Had I been in a more lucid state of mind, perhaps I should have refused to speak to her given that she clearly didn’t respect me enough to not violate my privacy. But I did give the interview. And she was actually very nice and we had a very pleasant conversation.

That said, this experience left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Whatever perception one might have of the Boston Herald, it’s still a newspaper. And in my lofty, idealistic world, that means that reporters ought to operate by a code of ethics, which not only includes reporting honestly and with integrity, but not violating the privacy of the people to be interviewed. I know I’m probably more stringent about privacy than most due to my stalker issue + my many years in academia and in HIPAA training, but still, there ought to be standards. I refuse to pass along private email addresses when people ask me to make connections (instead I ping person B and let them know person A wants to connect), much less pimp out private phone numbers. And even if I had access to some expensive database, were I in this reporter’s shoes, I certainly wouldn’t go digging for private information when it takes about 10 seconds to click over to a person’s contact page (which even has an easy to click to Media Inquiries section) and fire off an email.

In the past four years, I have been contacted by media outlets large and small and never, ever has one of these outlets found it necessary to dig for my home phone number via a private investigation database. In fact, just today I received an interview request from WGBH and lo and behold, they contacted me via the media request e-mail address provided on my website.

So Boston Herald, if this is the way you teach your reporters to roll, I suggest you revise your practices. Because sadly, yesterday, one of your reporters acted no better than my stalker ex-boyfriend.